Jayleigh’s Grand Adventures

Mindy’s dad, CJ, is in jail this week because he drank until 10PM the night before he KNEW he had a breathalizer test the next morning. So at age 17.5, my niece is staying home alone, with no supervision for the first time in her life.

Sure there have been times when one or both parents were going to let her stay alone, but Rob and I either camped out across the road from her Dad’s apartment, or made her come and stay with us. But we haven’t ever consented to it before.

Last night, we brought her some leftovers from the party where we were. Tonight we took her Arby’s because she loves it and it was right by the grocery store. When we came in, she was wiping down the cupboards.

Me: Min… did you get in a cleaning fit or what?

Mindy: Uh… no. I just hate it that this stupid apartment is always messy. OK then. Yes, a cleaning fit.

Maybe neither of her parents have ever taught her to be proud of her accomplishments or to make something nice just for herself to enjoy. But I’m glad she learned it along the way anyhow. Because she’s growing up and I am so proud of my niece, Mindy.

UPDATED Thursday AM

Mindy called this morning at 7:15, asking for a ride to school because she missed her bus. There were 5 cigarette butts in the ashtray when last night there were none. Come ON, little girl! I hate that!

Until this morning, I had a cat who was 11 years old, named Hank. We never called him Hank, though. We called him everything else, but not usually Hank. Hanky, Hanky-Pants. Henry. Henry James. Henry James Pants. HJP.

Truly, he was the best cat I’ve ever owned. And I’m sitting here in a river of my own tears because I was too stupid and cheap to get him vaccinated for Feline Leukemia and FIV.

And worse than that, we have two other cats who probably have the virus as well. It’s incurable, like AIDS, and weakens the immune system greatly. The saddest thing to me, is that Clarence is Rob’s cat, and Pookie is Mindy’s cat. I barely have the heart to tell them that their cats have to be put down soon.

As I mentioned in yesterday’s post, Rob and I watched our wedding video yesterday. The camcorder was stationary, so I was the only one of us who could be seen throughout the entire video, until Nelson (my sister’s ex) moved the camera when it came time for the receiving line.

Something about the video made me melancholy. To the point that I hadn’t wanted to watch it, but every 4 or 5 years. But I never figured it out until yesterday…

 I looked so sad on the video. I was happy. I remember my wedding quite vividly. I remember that it was nearly an hour of me steaming in my own sweat in a long-sleeved gown and a crinoline that clung to me like a slice of cheese on a warm hot-dog. I remember feeling so nervous and hot that I thought I might pass out, and that Rob kept asking if I was going to be OK. The video shows, and I remember shaking my head and saying, “No, I’m NOT ok.” I remember letting go of Rob’s hand several times to wipe the sweat off my hands.

We went up on the altar to light our Unity Candle (then it was quite a new practice) and Rob nearly lit the altar on fire because his single candle fell on a pile of tulle. That happening made me laugh, and things lightened up afterward.

The video shows me mouthing (while some friends literally butchered a song in the background), “I love you so much, Rob.”

THAT is what I truly remember about my wedding day. The love. And it’s sad that our video only shows my nervousness and frustration at 1000 things which were going on around me that I didn’t have control over.

If there was something I know know that I wish I knew then it’s this: Stick a smile on your face and at least look like you’re having a good time. Eventually (for me anyway) I can fool myself into having a delightful, stress free time at an event, if I just make a little more effort.

A little dose of positive energy goes a very long way. And that’s something I truly wish I could make my brother-in-law, Ken understand. I guess that was the most frustrating part of our entire weekend, that Ken is always talking about how he doesn’t get a fair shake. That he works hard and it isn’t noticed. That he tries to pay all his bills and work really hard, but it doesn’t make any difference.

I am LIVING PROOF that if you look for the blessings and stop dwelling on the bad parts, that your life can’t help but improve. OK so maybe it’s taken 10 years to improve. Stick a smile on your face and ACT carefree, and you will notice that, ok the problems don’t go away overnight, but the burden seems to lessen.

And the Lesson? TRUST IN THE LORD GOD ALMIGHTY! Hang around with people, talk with people who put their trust in the Lord. Because, WHOA! I can’t do this thing on my own, and I need to be CONSTANTLY REMINDED where my hope lies.

My friend just wrote a text message which said, “I’m glad you loved through it.” And that’s exactly what I did. Even if I thought it was going to kill me, I showed Jesus’ love to my husband’s family this weekend. And I lived through it.

This was the last time Rob and I were at a wedding with our niece, JessieLynn, who was married in South Carolina last Friday…

Rob and I watched our 15-year-old wedding video when we got home from our trip today, and marvelled at our youth and ignorance. Also, we marvelled at each other’s “hotness quotient.” Hehe.

Mindy was truly my hero this weekend. She offered to help in the kitchen every time I turned around, and only snapped at Bebe (her grandma) a few times during our horribly long car trip. Also, Mindy wore the dress that I bought her (to wear IN the wedding) at the reception. Oh, yeah, because Miss JessieLynn couldn’t be troubled to have the horrendous polka-dots in her wedding. So she had Mindy looking like a tramp in a black halter-style dress. When Mindy changed, about 9 people commented on how amazing the dress was on her, and “why didn’t she wear that for the wedding?”

What Mindy wore for the wedding (back view with bra straps showing):

The bride and her daddy walking down the aisle:

A family photo from afterward, with Mindy wearing the pretty dress I bought her:

And finally, sweet 10-year-old Seamus who I made friends with… he made me a cool balloon hat:

No, the food wasn’t even begun at 9 PM the night before the wedding. No, Rob’s sister went to bed at her normal time of 9 PM because she was tired. Yes, they had always planned on “Aunt Jayleigh taking charge of the food.” And yes, poor JessieLynn stayed up until 3 AM baking her own wedding cake, which I frosted:

In all, it was a good trip, a good wedding, and I managed to be relaxed and happy a great deal of the time.

We’re leaving for home in the next 2 hours, with any luck at all.

The wedding came out just fine. We even saw the new married couple this morning because they stayed at the same hotel as Rob and me. They wanted to have breakfast with us and it was really sweet. God bless them both.

And I pray that God helps me keep my mouth closed.

Because I didn’t scream while Bebe was driving through Charlotte, even though (I swear) we were nearly killed! I didn’t shout at Bebe to KEEP QUIET when she talked over every TV program we watched last night. And I didn’t tell her to stop talking even though she talked for 600 of the 750 miles we drove together on Wednesday and Thursday.

Bebe loves the sound of her voice. Bebe talks like the first chapter of John, and I am not kidding.

“I like to see Gordon Road [stomps on the break, then the gas] because it means [stomps on the break, then the gas] that we’re [stomps on the break, then the gas] just one road away [stomps on the break, then the gas] from Daniel’s Road. [stomps on the break, then the gas]

Gordon Road is not the road we want. [stomps on the break, then the gas] But we do want to see Daniel’s Road [stomps on the break, then the gas] and that is after Gordon Road. And you can tell that Daniel’s Road is coming up quick when you [stomps on the break, then the gas] see Gordon Road because it’s after Gordon Road [stomps on the break, then the gas]. The last time I missed [stomps on the break, then the gas] Gordon Road, [stomps on the break, then the gas] I also missed Daniel’s Road.”

Bebe loves the sound of her own voice.

I, however, do not.

Keep up your prayers. At least until 8 PM on Sunday.

Much love,
Jayleigh

In less than 24 hours, Rob and I (and Mindy and Rob’s mom, Bebe) are leaving for South Carolina, and JessieLynn’s wedding.

The Machine on which I work has been horribly messing up for a few days, and I fear our leaving may be delayed if the part I need to fix doesn’t get there until the afternoon.

Many prayers, please, as Bebe and I aren’t exactly best friends, and I do mostly all I can NOT to be in the same room with her for more than an hour at a time.

And prayers that the kids getting married will call the wedding off if it’s not what they want down deep in their hearts. I have nothing against the wedding or the kids, just don’t want them making a mistake they will regret later on.

Dale became an Eagle Scout today. Rob and I went to his Eagle Court of Honor at a beautiful old church here in our Town. Together with Dale’s mentors, friends and family, we celebrated the boy who is now a man among men.

Dale and his older sister Rachel were kids in our Sunday School class in Branton, about 10 years ago. We were their teachers for 5 or 6 years, until they were too cool for ’school. We operated in a “one room schoolhouse” type of situation, so brother and sister- less than 18 months apart- never got a break from each other, even at church.

Their dad left when they were small, and mom tried to manage as best she could. They lived with Grandma and Grandpa across the street from our little church. They were sometimes dragged, and sometimes came because they wanted to, but were usually in Sunday School. Here, Rob and I took our first plunge into helping broken little hearts find their way in a great big world.

We were there when Rachel and Dale were baptized. We were there for Mom’s wedding to a really nice man who loves those kids, even when they were sometimes unlovable. We were there at Rachel’s graduation party, and the day she became a member of our Church. Those sweet kiddos mean a lot to both Rob and me, and it was one of those Circle-of-Life days for us: our babies are growing up and are out in the world, making a difference.

Here’s to Dale, a new Eagle Scout, and his grandparents, sister and mom, who pushed him along, propped him up, and kicked his behind when he needed it. 

I am celebrating today.

What an amazing last two days at work I’ve had. I stayed 2 hours over today and was only the gladder for it.

God is truly amazing. His unexpected successes do my heart so well.

” like all young people she was sure that her whole life could be settled by one human creature, quite forgetting how wonderfully Providence trains us by disappointment, surprises us with unexpected success, and turns our seeming trials into blessings.”

Louisa May Alcott, from Jo’s Boys

Yesterday afternoon, my heart was under a cloud. I could see nothing except what happened at that moment, and then I was dwelling and mulling and bemoaning it all.

Many of you gave me excellent advice and I took it to heart. In fact, I felt right afterward that the person involved might realize how they hurt others with their stomping around and saying hurtful and mean things when a gentle rebuke in love would have sufficed.

This person doesn’t have the Hope that I have in the Lord. They don’t know Him and in my wildest imagination, I cannot fathom exactly how the Lord would work on their heart, or how He would get through to them. I pray mightily that He would take  them into His arms and soothe their fears, and calm their heart, so they might see things with Heavenly Wisdom, instead of conventional, earthly wisdom.

The following excerpt is from “Jo’s Boys” and happened after Mrs. Jo’s son let his anger and freakishness get the best of him and his brother was badly hurt in the process:

‘Come to me, Teddy, when the evil one gets hold of you, and together we’ll rout him. Ah, me! I’ve had many a tussle with that old Apollyon [anger], and often got worsted, but not always. Come under my shield, and we’ll fight till we win.’

I am claiming just that: We (God and me) will fight until we win. I will clothe myself with the Gospel Armor so that when the evil day comes, I will be prepared and able to stand my ground. I will not give up! I will not give in! I WILL fight until I win.

Ephesians 6:10-18

The Armor of God

 10Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.

OK, so I feel like a complete failure today.

This was a post of mine from several months ago, detailing how I’m not going to take crap from the one who comes to steal, kill and destroy. I was SO READY, I was prepared. And so I didn’t fall into the trap which was set for me.

Today, I fell into that trap with both feet. Had I known it was there, I was so mad at my coworker I would have jumped in the trap just to be spiteful.

Why in the world do I get so angry? Why do I care how people think of me so much that if something mean is said, or in my case strongly insinuated, I feel like I want to yell and scream at everyone?

I have worked for nearly 5 years to be calm and to be nice to this particular person. I have FORCED myself to think nice thoughts about them, and to take everything they do in the best light. Earlier this week when I was getting stressed out about it, I decided that I can’t always base my mood by what their mood is, so I REALLY FOR REAL didn’t worry about it.

And then today, I finished up a pretty big job I was working on, and this person made a production out of the fact that they redid it right after I did… “because nobody puts things back where they belong.”

It was as though a switch was flipped in my head and I was so darn angry. And then I did something I vowed never to do, ever. I didn’t say anything at all, but my eyebrows were 1/2 inch higher than normal, and I gave such an icy cold shoulder that I am now ashamed of myself.

I am so ashamed. In my mind, it’s like walking back into an AA meeting where everyone knows you and having to announce “I’ve been sober for 6 hours.”

I police my thinking… when my mind goes into that  mean place and I think all kinds of nasty thoughts, I direct my thinking to find nice things to say about the person involved. I force myself to love and not hate, and to show infinite patience and to not lose my temper.

My nasty rotten temper and angry attitude have gotten me into more trouble over the years than I even want to talk about. In times of weakness, I will tell you that I was provoked… but I am the only person who has the ultimate decision over what I say and do. So why why WHY WHY WHY did I lose it today?

I feel like a failure because I broke my own cardinal rule of trying to always remain positive in attitude and outlook. Does this truly mean that a leopard can’t change her spots?

*sigh*

I have been keeping quiet here for a bit. It’s intentional. I am “pondering things in my heart” as it were, and  it makes me somewhat reluctant to share happenings on my blog. Usually, once I’ve written about something, it leaves my head and I stop mulling it over. I don’t want to stop mulling this time, because it’s more important than just a bad day at work or where to go on vacation. (Sorry, not going to write about IT yet. No worries!)

Hmmm… after I wrote that, Work called because they were having problems with my department. I went in for an hour and got stupid photo chemicals all over me and had to deal with irate customers and frustrated co-workers and in the end, I believe we won’t have any production tomorrow because one of the three of us (who were working on the problem tonight) contaminated the chemicals. Oh joy.

After an entire afternoon of ripping the guts out of the machine and fixing problems and putting it all back together again, it’s just completely screwed up and my big fret is this: I know that my boss is put out completely with spending money on my department because it doesn’t really bring that many customers into the store. Whether she means to or not, she makes me feel like she thinks I’m to blame for poor production or for problems with the machine.

I am only human.

But one good thing did come out of my fixing that machine all day… I was stressing because I hadn’t ever taken so many pieces apart in the printing area before; there were screws and parts strewn behind my entire counter area. As soon as I realized that I found the paper-jam, I was praising God. There I sat on my knees on the floor, sweating, and elbow-deep into a mass of wires and rollers. And it clicked in my head that I was on the right track and I just hung my head for a sec and prayed to God, thanking Him for giving me the knowledge of mechanical things.

I love it when I show the Hollister Family characteristic of being uber-mechanical. My dad will be so proud when I tell him!

OH! Before I forget to mention, that pic is of Kody and me. Rob took it last night! He’s seriously the best dog I’ve ever had.
Tell me about the best dog you ever had! Please!

Earlier this week, Rob purchased some gifts for me at the Store where I work. Both items are something I’ve wanted for a long while, but wouldn’t spend the money on myself. That’s just the way I am.

Even though I really really like getting presents, I didn’t say anything until yesterday that Rob hadn’t actually given the gifts to me yet. Then I asked him why, and he just giggled. I was starting to get frustrated and he just thought it was “cute” that I wanted my presents.

But I didn’t really NEED them, I just wondered if he was saving them for some reason… like to torture me right to death. I thought I was doing well to go from Monday to Thursday without even asking!

Finally, after I finished breakfast this morning, Rob handed me this amazing lotion (Silver Butterfly, by Camille Beckman) and said that it was for being such a good “mom” to all the children of our hearts. And then he named off each and every kid who we taught in Sunday School at Branton, and all our friends’ kids. Of course I was crying as he told me that I am a good and godly influence in their lives, and that he is proud of me for loving and supporting them all.

Then he handed me the book (pictured above) and said it was for my continuing love and support of all of those kids, and for making it though this hard part right now, on our way to having kids in our home.

Rob is an amazing, loving man, and this is an excerpt of what I wrote about in my Autobiography required for our Fostering Paperwork:

Rob is a very loving, patient, and caring man. He is one who will follow through to the end of a task, even when it stops being pleasant. Rob is level-headed and likes to analyze things before he weighs in on a subject; he thinks things through before acting. Rob has a positive attitude and puts my feelings and desires ahead of his own. He is considerate and a really good man. Rob is a great friend and counselor and has a strong faith in God. Rob is reliable and punctual, honest,  and he keeps his word.

 

Rob gets along well with kids, especially quiet ones, or ones that are at awkward ages. At family gatherings, Rob is the one who always ends up being the “pony” with 3 or 4 little ones taking a ride on his back. Kids love to tell Rob about everything going on in their lives and like to take him away from the adults at a party and ask him to play games with them or push them on the swings. Rob is energetic and fun-loving. He is courageous and strong and he helps a lot with the housework and cooking.

This is my favorite performance from AI this season. It’s all that needs to be said, ever, about anything.

Nothing compares to you, O Lord.

and she resolved to have a clear understanding with him before he went; for she was used to confidences, and talked freely with her boys about the trials and temptations that beset all lives in the beginning, and so often mar them, for want of the right word at the right moment.

Of course, this quote is from “Jo’s Boys,” the third installment of the “Little Women” story. And it made me think and wonder if, when the time comes, I will be able to give “the right word at the right moment” to my kids. (Goddaughters, nieces, nephew, and others.)

Dear Heavenly Father,

Why am I most afraid of being able to say the right thing to the right person at the right time? Why am I afraid at all? Soon, the paperwork fiasco will be all done, and my home will be ready, and Rob and I will have kids in the house. And then I’ll be way too busy DOING, and I won’t have time to worry about whether I have the right words. Calm my heart and my striving and thrashing about. Help me to finish the things I need to, and let slide the things that just aren’t important in your eyes. Thanks in Jesus’ name. Amen