Jayleigh’s Grand Adventures

In less than 24 hours, Rob and I (and Mindy and Rob’s mom, Bebe) are leaving for South Carolina, and JessieLynn’s wedding.

The Machine on which I work has been horribly messing up for a few days, and I fear our leaving may be delayed if the part I need to fix doesn’t get there until the afternoon.

Many prayers, please, as Bebe and I aren’t exactly best friends, and I do mostly all I can NOT to be in the same room with her for more than an hour at a time.

And prayers that the kids getting married will call the wedding off if it’s not what they want down deep in their hearts. I have nothing against the wedding or the kids, just don’t want them making a mistake they will regret later on.

Dale became an Eagle Scout today. Rob and I went to his Eagle Court of Honor at a beautiful old church here in our Town. Together with Dale’s mentors, friends and family, we celebrated the boy who is now a man among men.

Dale and his older sister Rachel were kids in our Sunday School class in Branton, about 10 years ago. We were their teachers for 5 or 6 years, until they were too cool for ’school. We operated in a “one room schoolhouse” type of situation, so brother and sister- less than 18 months apart- never got a break from each other, even at church.

Their dad left when they were small, and mom tried to manage as best she could. They lived with Grandma and Grandpa across the street from our little church. They were sometimes dragged, and sometimes came because they wanted to, but were usually in Sunday School. Here, Rob and I took our first plunge into helping broken little hearts find their way in a great big world.

We were there when Rachel and Dale were baptized. We were there for Mom’s wedding to a really nice man who loves those kids, even when they were sometimes unlovable. We were there at Rachel’s graduation party, and the day she became a member of our Church. Those sweet kiddos mean a lot to both Rob and me, and it was one of those Circle-of-Life days for us: our babies are growing up and are out in the world, making a difference.

Here’s to Dale, a new Eagle Scout, and his grandparents, sister and mom, who pushed him along, propped him up, and kicked his behind when he needed it. 

I am celebrating today.

What an amazing last two days at work I’ve had. I stayed 2 hours over today and was only the gladder for it.

God is truly amazing. His unexpected successes do my heart so well.

” like all young people she was sure that her whole life could be settled by one human creature, quite forgetting how wonderfully Providence trains us by disappointment, surprises us with unexpected success, and turns our seeming trials into blessings.”

Louisa May Alcott, from Jo’s Boys

Yesterday afternoon, my heart was under a cloud. I could see nothing except what happened at that moment, and then I was dwelling and mulling and bemoaning it all.

Many of you gave me excellent advice and I took it to heart. In fact, I felt right afterward that the person involved might realize how they hurt others with their stomping around and saying hurtful and mean things when a gentle rebuke in love would have sufficed.

This person doesn’t have the Hope that I have in the Lord. They don’t know Him and in my wildest imagination, I cannot fathom exactly how the Lord would work on their heart, or how He would get through to them. I pray mightily that He would take  them into His arms and soothe their fears, and calm their heart, so they might see things with Heavenly Wisdom, instead of conventional, earthly wisdom.

The following excerpt is from “Jo’s Boys” and happened after Mrs. Jo’s son let his anger and freakishness get the best of him and his brother was badly hurt in the process:

‘Come to me, Teddy, when the evil one gets hold of you, and together we’ll rout him. Ah, me! I’ve had many a tussle with that old Apollyon [anger], and often got worsted, but not always. Come under my shield, and we’ll fight till we win.’

I am claiming just that: We (God and me) will fight until we win. I will clothe myself with the Gospel Armor so that when the evil day comes, I will be prepared and able to stand my ground. I will not give up! I will not give in! I WILL fight until I win.

Ephesians 6:10-18

The Armor of God

 10Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.

OK, so I feel like a complete failure today.

This was a post of mine from several months ago, detailing how I’m not going to take crap from the one who comes to steal, kill and destroy. I was SO READY, I was prepared. And so I didn’t fall into the trap which was set for me.

Today, I fell into that trap with both feet. Had I known it was there, I was so mad at my coworker I would have jumped in the trap just to be spiteful.

Why in the world do I get so angry? Why do I care how people think of me so much that if something mean is said, or in my case strongly insinuated, I feel like I want to yell and scream at everyone?

I have worked for nearly 5 years to be calm and to be nice to this particular person. I have FORCED myself to think nice thoughts about them, and to take everything they do in the best light. Earlier this week when I was getting stressed out about it, I decided that I can’t always base my mood by what their mood is, so I REALLY FOR REAL didn’t worry about it.

And then today, I finished up a pretty big job I was working on, and this person made a production out of the fact that they redid it right after I did… “because nobody puts things back where they belong.”

It was as though a switch was flipped in my head and I was so darn angry. And then I did something I vowed never to do, ever. I didn’t say anything at all, but my eyebrows were 1/2 inch higher than normal, and I gave such an icy cold shoulder that I am now ashamed of myself.

I am so ashamed. In my mind, it’s like walking back into an AA meeting where everyone knows you and having to announce “I’ve been sober for 6 hours.”

I police my thinking… when my mind goes into that  mean place and I think all kinds of nasty thoughts, I direct my thinking to find nice things to say about the person involved. I force myself to love and not hate, and to show infinite patience and to not lose my temper.

My nasty rotten temper and angry attitude have gotten me into more trouble over the years than I even want to talk about. In times of weakness, I will tell you that I was provoked… but I am the only person who has the ultimate decision over what I say and do. So why why WHY WHY WHY did I lose it today?

I feel like a failure because I broke my own cardinal rule of trying to always remain positive in attitude and outlook. Does this truly mean that a leopard can’t change her spots?

*sigh*

I have been keeping quiet here for a bit. It’s intentional. I am “pondering things in my heart” as it were, and  it makes me somewhat reluctant to share happenings on my blog. Usually, once I’ve written about something, it leaves my head and I stop mulling it over. I don’t want to stop mulling this time, because it’s more important than just a bad day at work or where to go on vacation. (Sorry, not going to write about IT yet. No worries!)

Hmmm… after I wrote that, Work called because they were having problems with my department. I went in for an hour and got stupid photo chemicals all over me and had to deal with irate customers and frustrated co-workers and in the end, I believe we won’t have any production tomorrow because one of the three of us (who were working on the problem tonight) contaminated the chemicals. Oh joy.

After an entire afternoon of ripping the guts out of the machine and fixing problems and putting it all back together again, it’s just completely screwed up and my big fret is this: I know that my boss is put out completely with spending money on my department because it doesn’t really bring that many customers into the store. Whether she means to or not, she makes me feel like she thinks I’m to blame for poor production or for problems with the machine.

I am only human.

But one good thing did come out of my fixing that machine all day… I was stressing because I hadn’t ever taken so many pieces apart in the printing area before; there were screws and parts strewn behind my entire counter area. As soon as I realized that I found the paper-jam, I was praising God. There I sat on my knees on the floor, sweating, and elbow-deep into a mass of wires and rollers. And it clicked in my head that I was on the right track and I just hung my head for a sec and prayed to God, thanking Him for giving me the knowledge of mechanical things.

I love it when I show the Hollister Family characteristic of being uber-mechanical. My dad will be so proud when I tell him!

OH! Before I forget to mention, that pic is of Kody and me. Rob took it last night! He’s seriously the best dog I’ve ever had.
Tell me about the best dog you ever had! Please!

Earlier this week, Rob purchased some gifts for me at the Store where I work. Both items are something I’ve wanted for a long while, but wouldn’t spend the money on myself. That’s just the way I am.

Even though I really really like getting presents, I didn’t say anything until yesterday that Rob hadn’t actually given the gifts to me yet. Then I asked him why, and he just giggled. I was starting to get frustrated and he just thought it was “cute” that I wanted my presents.

But I didn’t really NEED them, I just wondered if he was saving them for some reason… like to torture me right to death. I thought I was doing well to go from Monday to Thursday without even asking!

Finally, after I finished breakfast this morning, Rob handed me this amazing lotion (Silver Butterfly, by Camille Beckman) and said that it was for being such a good “mom” to all the children of our hearts. And then he named off each and every kid who we taught in Sunday School at Branton, and all our friends’ kids. Of course I was crying as he told me that I am a good and godly influence in their lives, and that he is proud of me for loving and supporting them all.

Then he handed me the book (pictured above) and said it was for my continuing love and support of all of those kids, and for making it though this hard part right now, on our way to having kids in our home.

Rob is an amazing, loving man, and this is an excerpt of what I wrote about in my Autobiography required for our Fostering Paperwork:

Rob is a very loving, patient, and caring man. He is one who will follow through to the end of a task, even when it stops being pleasant. Rob is level-headed and likes to analyze things before he weighs in on a subject; he thinks things through before acting. Rob has a positive attitude and puts my feelings and desires ahead of his own. He is considerate and a really good man. Rob is a great friend and counselor and has a strong faith in God. Rob is reliable and punctual, honest,  and he keeps his word.

 

Rob gets along well with kids, especially quiet ones, or ones that are at awkward ages. At family gatherings, Rob is the one who always ends up being the “pony” with 3 or 4 little ones taking a ride on his back. Kids love to tell Rob about everything going on in their lives and like to take him away from the adults at a party and ask him to play games with them or push them on the swings. Rob is energetic and fun-loving. He is courageous and strong and he helps a lot with the housework and cooking.

This is my favorite performance from AI this season. It’s all that needs to be said, ever, about anything.

Nothing compares to you, O Lord.

and she resolved to have a clear understanding with him before he went; for she was used to confidences, and talked freely with her boys about the trials and temptations that beset all lives in the beginning, and so often mar them, for want of the right word at the right moment.

Of course, this quote is from “Jo’s Boys,” the third installment of the “Little Women” story. And it made me think and wonder if, when the time comes, I will be able to give “the right word at the right moment” to my kids. (Goddaughters, nieces, nephew, and others.)

Dear Heavenly Father,

Why am I most afraid of being able to say the right thing to the right person at the right time? Why am I afraid at all? Soon, the paperwork fiasco will be all done, and my home will be ready, and Rob and I will have kids in the house. And then I’ll be way too busy DOING, and I won’t have time to worry about whether I have the right words. Calm my heart and my striving and thrashing about. Help me to finish the things I need to, and let slide the things that just aren’t important in your eyes. Thanks in Jesus’ name. Amen

I took Mindy shopping today for a dress. She’s to be the maid of honor in her cousin Jessie Lynn’s wedding in TWO WEEKS. Jessie Lynn wants Mindy to wear a full-length, gunmetal grey dress. We went to 20 stores at the mall tonight and found 1, at a cost of $200 at Macy’s. It’s so not flying.

Mindy was freaking because her dad (Rob’s bro CJ) got caught drinking and will go to jail for 30 days, beginning next Tuesday. Mindy was freaking because as she said, “My parents are so stupid they haven’t ever been able to take care of me like you and Uncle Rob.”

That’s truth, but it tore my heart out all the same.

And then Rob found the checklist for our Foster Parenting license… and there is some question of whether our septic system is adequate.

I’m still worried about my beloved Dotty and her ordeal (last post) from this past weekend.

On the bright side….

• I got a dress for myself for Jessie Lynn’s wedding.
• I got a cute girlie polo shirt, too.
• We had Auntie Anne’s pretzels for dessert. Almond with caramel sauce.
• Rob is an amazing husband.
• I am going to go play piano and watch Dancing with the Stars.

Night!!

As women, we must learn to stick together. We must understand and know that just because a woman is nearly 6 feet tall, has an amazing strength about her and a great presence, that she still needs to be protected and respected by her female colleagues.

I’m not going into detail because there WILL be legal proceedings, which are in the works even as I type this.

Suffice to say that my amazing twin sis (pictured) had a pretty bad weekend that could have been avoided if her female companions had followed these Safety Tips for women at conferences:

1. Don’t assume you know someone well enough not to have to worry about him simply because you’ve seen him a few times and he “seems” nice.

2. If someone is following you, scream and shout. Attackers don’t want attention brought to them and will be more likely to leave you alone if someone pops their head into the hallway to see what the fuss is all about.

3. If your room is not near your friend’s room, walk the her to her room, and have her call you in 3 minutes. If you don’t answer, then she will come to your room and bang on the door until you answer. She must then call hotel security. It sounds a bit overkill, but I can assure you it may save someone a LOT of agony.

4. Even the best prepared person can have an “off” day. If your group passes an evening in a pub, then reflexes are slowed and judgment impaired. Do not deviate from your SAFETY PLAN.

My sweet sister and I have been working a while on putting back together a relationship that we both let slide. We were both selfish and unfair to each other. We didn’t look for the best in each other, but automatically searched for everything we hated about ourselves, that we saw in each other, and then harped endlessly on our womb-mate.

Lately we’ve really come together in a spirit of forgiveness and thankfulness for the other one, and I am just SICK that she had to go through such an awful weekend. I love you, sweet Joie de Vivre.

The Lord is constantly with me. He never leaves nor forsakes me.

I know that here on my blog, I show a one-sided image of myself. I show what I want you to see, usually, and I maybe make myself seem like “all that” and that I am perfect at everything and never struggle and never did anything bad in my whole life. But you already know it’s all a façade. Nobody can be that perfect.

For the last two days I have struggled immeasurably with the sins of my Old Self, versus the salvation I have received through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ and my New Self, born of water and the Spirit. I know I’m saved. The Lord is Constant. I just so hate those things I did “before Christ” that I’m a bit in an uproar sometimes, in my mind.

So I awoke for the last two mornings being tormented in my dreams, or as I was waking up, being reminded of every bad thing I have ever done. The worst of the worst. And Rob and I prayed about it all. And I remembered from the night before reading in John 4:28-29

28Then, leaving her water jar, the woman went back to the town and said to the people, 29“Come, see a man who told me everything I ever did. Could this be the Christ.

He already knows everything I ever did. I’m not “new” or “surprising”… I just need to rid myself of the multiple masks I put on every day to sheild who I really am from the public at large. I need to come to Jesus just as I am and remember that HE is my salvation… and anything I did or didn’t do in the past or right now isn’t going to change that. The change happened in my heart and OH PRAISE BE TO THE LORD because He is my rock and my redeemer!

Rob wondered aloud to me this morning if we’ve been under attack lately BECAUSE we’ve been studying the Word so much, or did we study the Word at God’s urging because He knew we’d be under attack? My work-friend, Joan, says that it’s probably both.

I received an email this morning that our… what do you call it… the adoption that didn’t happen… the baby-mom was to be induced at some point today. Rob and I couldn’t help but feel a trifle blue. But the Lord is our CONSTANT. And if we were supposed to be the parents, we would have been. So, while it’s certainly not “easy come, easy go,” we are certainly dealing, because our hope is in the Lord and not in mankind.

Have a blessed evening.

-Next-door neighbors we haven’t seen in months brought over home made jam and biscuits, and chatted about everything from our potential foster kids, to God’s divine providence in our lives.

-Iced mocha. I can’t help that it makes me so happy.

-Sunshine. Having a nice day to go to Michigan State to hang with my cousin, Tegan.

-Shopping at Hobby Lobby. Buying things to make my sister a pair of PJ’s like I made myself.

-Most of all, knowing that Jesus loves me.

How many times can I say to Rob, “I love you?” and in how many ways? I need to work on that more. I’m going to get a copy of “The Power of a Positive Mom” since I’m going to be a foster mom in less than a month. I read a few excerpts of the book yesterday and it talked about building up your husband and respecting, and not tearing him down… so I’ve been working on that in the past 24 hours.

Last night Rob said it to me by taking me for a drive to a little town near here (my favorite) and in spending lots of face time before he was to be at meetings all day today. He also said I love you by cleaning the cat box before he left… even when I offered to do it.

We love the website www.freecycle.org because you can find things that people are casting off or they find things that you’re casting off and things don’t pile up in landfills but are reused. It’s great. So I went on the website last week and asked for kid-clothes so we could have some on hand for little ones who are placed with us at times inopportune for going to a store and buying clothing, ie middle-of-the-night, etc.

This wonderful lady blessed us with 4 bags of mostly 3T but some other sizes of clothing, and some stuff that our lovely niece Mindy can use right now. I spent much time on Thursday going through and separating the sizes and chucking the things that aren’t any good. I was a little upset that Rob didn’t care to go through the things at all… but then he’s a man and isn’t wired to go gaga over little jammies and little jeans overall sets.

But on Friday morning as I got ready for work, Rob my darling, came into the bathroom while I finished my make-up and his eyes were misty. I asked what was the matter, because my beloved so rarely shows that kind of emotion that I was certain something was wrong. He held out a little pair of socks that apparently came from one of the bags. I hadn’t seen them the night before. They were toddler socks and not even baby socks.

He held them out to me and said with quavering voice, “They’re so little.”

Yeah Rob, they are. And the ones who fit into those will change our lives forever.