Constant
April 8, 2008 by Jayleigh
The Lord is constantly with me. He never leaves nor forsakes me.
I know that here on my blog, I show a one-sided image of myself. I show what I want you to see, usually, and I maybe make myself seem like “all that” and that I am perfect at everything and never struggle and never did anything bad in my whole life. But you already know it’s all a façade. Nobody can be that perfect.
For the last two days I have struggled immeasurably with the sins of my Old Self, versus the salvation I have received through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ and my New Self, born of water and the Spirit. I know I’m saved. The Lord is Constant. I just so hate those things I did “before Christ” that I’m a bit in an uproar sometimes, in my mind.
So I awoke for the last two mornings being tormented in my dreams, or as I was waking up, being reminded of every bad thing I have ever done. The worst of the worst. And Rob and I prayed about it all. And I remembered from the night before reading in John 4:28-29
28Then, leaving her water jar, the woman went back to the town and said to the people, 29“Come, see a man who told me everything I ever did. Could this be the Christ.
He already knows everything I ever did. I’m not “new” or “surprising”… I just need to rid myself of the multiple masks I put on every day to sheild who I really am from the public at large. I need to come to Jesus just as I am and remember that HE is my salvation… and anything I did or didn’t do in the past or right now isn’t going to change that. The change happened in my heart and OH PRAISE BE TO THE LORD because He is my rock and my redeemer!
Rob wondered aloud to me this morning if we’ve been under attack lately BECAUSE we’ve been studying the Word so much, or did we study the Word at God’s urging because He knew we’d be under attack? My work-friend, Joan, says that it’s probably both.
I received an email this morning that our… what do you call it… the adoption that didn’t happen… the baby-mom was to be induced at some point today. Rob and I couldn’t help but feel a trifle blue. But the Lord is our CONSTANT. And if we were supposed to be the parents, we would have been. So, while it’s certainly not “easy come, easy go,” we are certainly dealing, because our hope is in the Lord and not in mankind.
Have a blessed evening.
Everyone puts their “best face forward” because we don’t like to admit that there are other “faces” that exist…or have existed. You are right to remember that God already knows your past, He isn’t surprised…He isn’t angry, He isn’t sad…He has forgiven you and loves you so very much. The evil one tries to dredge up our past sins and throw them in our faces to throw us off the path of following God…what a crafty tactic. We feel guilty all over again, over something that has already been forgiven and moved “as far as the east is from the west” Your sins are gone, wiped clean, put away! Praise God for forgiveness and new life in Him!
This is probably a very difficult day for you. I pray that the little one comes into this world healthy, and is placed with a family who will love him/her and teach him/her about the love of Jesus. I’m sorry that this family isn’t yours. I pray that God will bring the little ones you are to love to you quickly!! :o)
Blessings and peace to you my friend-
Andie
I know exactly what you mean … we want the world to perceive us as “perfect” … but God knows us best.
In my prayers, especially today. But be assured that I always have you in my mind and in my prayers. God is on your side, you have no need to fear.
You make some very good points. You’re exactly right about God ALREADY knowing what happened in the past. And He loves you anyway. And is so glad that you accepted His salvation.
I’m sorry you guys are having a difficult time, can’t blame ya! I’ll keep you in my prayers!
God bless
Praying for you, sweet friend!
*hugs*
Dealing with my past mistakes is something I struggle with often. But we have to remember that the condemnation we feel is not from our loving Lord. When he looks at us, he doesn’t see what we’ve done way back when. I know this is a lesson I’m still learning and still struggle with, and it takes me back to a dream I had when I was but 11 years old.
I was suddenly taken up to the Heavens and standing right in front of me was Jesus Christ himself. His eyes pierced through mine so fiercly all I could do was fall to my knees. I started praying about my past sins, confessing them and begging for forgiveness, only I was so overcome by his Holiness I couldn’t pray out loud. Yet He heard my prayers and spoke back to me in the same way I was praying to Him - without speaking out loud. He took my hand, lifted me up, shook His head as He told me that I did not need to keep praying for forgiveness. It was already taken care of. He then told me to dance. And I watched as He laughed and danced in celebration. As I watched, more people joined, and I too, danced with Him and my brothers and sisters who rejoiced in His love.
That dream made such an impact on me, and I know that God was trying to teach me something at a young age, because He knows dwelling on my past is something I do often.
He’s already taken care of our sins. He knows your heart, he knows when you ache over your past mistakes. But when He looks at you, He sees your love for Him. He sees all you’ve overcome and all you will overcome. Dance with Him and celebrate His goodness!
It never seems to me like you try to be perfect. It is very hard to get rid of all the masks, everytime one goes there is another one behind it. We all struggle with that. It is my hearts desire to be REAL but I still fail sometimes.
Love,
Christy
Where are you??? you haven’t posted in like forever!!!! At least - forever for you…