I’m going to mention 10 blessings before I even start this post, and perhaps it (the complaining) can be avoided all together.
- Rob is an amazing husband, and I’m so proud of him as a man, and as a teacher (preacher!).
- My parents are mostly restored back to health. I am so blessed to have them as dear friends and mentors to me. Who’d have thought I would say that 5 years ago, even?
- Trina and The Brain are the absolute best friends we could ever ask for. My heart is so at-home when we’re sharing a meal or an evening. We love their girls so much and are blessed beyond reason to be friends with them.
- I like the woman I have become… even IF she isn’t a mom. I know, because God’s told me over and over, that I will be a Mom with children. But that time hasn’t arrived yet. So this ol’ “Sarah” is buckling down for a long journey… and hoping it’s really a short one.
- It’s a blessing to have a rainy day because that means I’m not outside working, but in my clean, warm home and resting after several days-in-a-row of work.
- I feel like a million bucks in my new summer clothes.
- Pookie the Cat, doesn’t have feline leukemia! She’s going to live!
- I took amazing photos of JessieLynn’s wedding.
- Rob and I are blessed by love of people in his congregation.
- My potato salad rocks so hard, it will shake you from your shoes!
OK. This post isn’t pointed at any blogger or e-friend. OK?
As a rule of thumb, people have no idea how hurtful a salutation of “Happy Mother’s Day” is to someone who’s struggled with infertility for 15 years (or ANY years!). But even worse, is when the non-mom walks into church and everyone greets each other with “HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!” all around, and just stares at their shoes when she walks by.
I was thinking a moment ago that I just wanted to know why this has to be such a darn struggle for me… but you know what? I don’t want to know why! Would I even understand or begin to fathom the plans God is working out for me? Probably not.
So I’m having a little hissy fit because I WANT TO BE A MOM, and even this Fostering stuff is going SSSSLLLLLLOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWW! I want to be a mom now. This very minute. And I wouldn’t even mind a visit from the angel Gabriel saying that I am pregnant with a son “who shall be named James.”
OK I don’t need a visit from an Angel. But why WHY WHY can’t it be me?
Do you know why I have baby fever this minute? It’s because in less than three weeks, some friends who live far away, are going to have their very first child. And… I … am… jealous.
There. I said it.
I’m having a bad day because I am a big jealous whiny wimp.
[butt being kicked by self]
OK I’m better. Being honest with onesself is the most difficult thing, but if you can break through the 15 layers of LYING TO YOURSELF, then it’s really helpful. I feel 100 times better now.
Posted by michelle77 on May 12, 2008 at 12:14 am
I thought of you several times today! And prayed for you lots today! I pray He answers your heart’s desire.
You certainly are entitled to a jealous hissy fit.
Posted by noelle on May 12, 2008 at 12:13 pm
yep – I understand Jay… I avoid church on Mother’s Day. I find something fun for me to do with my other single girlfriends and we just enjoy being together on this day.
Posted by realworldmartha on May 13, 2008 at 3:49 pm
I was thinking of you and several others on this day. I lost my mother when I was 17 and there are many people that have lots of pain on this holiday. I thought and prayed for people I know struggling with infertility, people who lost their moms, people who don’t have a good relationship with their moms, etc. I hope you felt the prayers.
I do realize being a spirtiual mom is not the same but do realize the importance of what that means to someone else. Have you ever heard someone talk about their spirtual mother or someone who has made an impact on them? It’s amazing! I know not the same but hope you know how important it is until God gives you the desires of your heart.
Posted by david on May 13, 2008 at 8:49 pm
this is still the most wonderful place I go to read, to cry, and to praise God.
Many blessings upon you and your family.
Posted by Dorothy on May 27, 2008 at 2:22 am
Jay – I went off to my friend Dan (the one who is running for congress) as we collected signatures to get him on the ballot. “Why do people wish me a happy mother’s day? Don’t they know how bad I wanna be a momma? It hurt so much when they say that and I want that, and it’s not so.” To which Dan replied “But you are a wonderful woman and it’s okay – they didn’t know. Besides… you don’t have to go out with MY mom and sister this afternoon…”
OMG. I told him that he should only be so glad that his mom is nearby to go out with!!! Moments later, he called his mom and asked if they’d mind if I joined them for dinner – his treat. At din-din, he told his mom and sis how much I missed my family – especially my momma…. She said how glad she was that I didn’t have to be an orphan on Mother’s day!
I loved how my day started one way and my friend turned it into a whole other thing!!!
Love you too. I know it hurts, bibba. But we’ll both be laughing one day, when my little pobracita pulls a karate chop on your lil’ guy…. and then your guy takes out one of her baby teeth and pulls her hair. LOL….
Well, we’ll be laughing after the emergency room visit and after mom takes a tranquilizer, you know…
Dot.