As I mentioned in yesterday’s post, Rob and I watched our wedding video yesterday. The camcorder was stationary, so I was the only one of us who could be seen throughout the entire video, until Nelson (my sister’s ex) moved the camera when it came time for the receiving line.
Something about the video made me melancholy. To the point that I hadn’t wanted to watch it, but every 4 or 5 years. But I never figured it out until yesterday…
I looked so sad on the video. I was happy. I remember my 
wedding quite vividly. I remember that it was nearly an hour of me steaming in my own sweat in a long-sleeved gown and a crinoline that clung to me like a slice of cheese on a warm hot-dog. I remember feeling so nervous and hot that I thought I might pass out, and that Rob kept asking if I was going to be OK. The video shows, and I remember shaking my head and saying, “No, I’m NOT ok.” I remember letting go of Rob’s hand several times to wipe the sweat off my hands.
We went up on the altar to light our Unity Candle (then it was quite a new practice) and Rob nearly lit the altar on fire because his single candle fell on a pile of tulle. That happening made me laugh, and things lightened up afterward.
The video shows me mouthing (while some friends literally butchered a song in the background), “I love you so much, Rob.”
THAT is what I truly remember about my wedding day. The love. And it’s sad that our video only shows my nervousness and frustration at 1000 things which were going on around me that I didn’t have control over.
If there was something I know know that I wish I knew then it’s this: Stick a smile on your face and at least look like you’re having a good time. Eventually (for me anyway) I can fool myself into having a delightful, stress free time at an event, if I just make a little more effort.
A little dose of positive energy goes a very long way. And that’s something I truly wish I could make my brother-in-law, Ken understand. I guess that was the most frustrating part of our entire weekend, that Ken is always talking about how he doesn’t get a fair shake. That he works hard and it isn’t noticed. That he tries to pay all his bills and work really hard, but it doesn’t make any difference.
I am LIVING PROOF that if you look for the blessings and stop dwelling on the bad parts, that your life can’t help but improve. OK so maybe it’s taken 10 years to improve. Stick a smile on your face and ACT carefree, and you will notice that, ok the problems don’t go away overnight, but the burden seems to lessen.
And the Lesson? TRUST IN THE LORD GOD ALMIGHTY! Hang around with people, talk with people who put their trust in the Lord. Because, WHOA! I can’t do this thing on my own, and I need to be CONSTANTLY REMINDED where my hope lies.
