Big Love

These are my sweet “little kids” who are moving all too soon.

I’ll add caps later, but for now, enjoy these.

The jammies were given to me by a man who took us to his cabin earlier in the summer. He’s a very nice guy and I couldn’t stay warm enough because SUMMER and who’d have thought it would be 50 up north? Sheesh! So he tosses them to me on Sunday and I fairly screamed and gave him a big hug. Now Rob wants to know why he didn’t give him some and I told him because he wouldn’t have screamed and given the man a big hug. I am sooo toasty.

We have “LOVE” blankets here in this house. The one my mom made for my new living room is the Mama Love BLanket. The one that Hazel made before we left Middleton Church is the Hazel Love blanket. And the one (not pictured) that I made Rob for Christmas a few years ago is the Jayleigh Love blanket. Blankets and snugglies symbolize love to me. I am particularly blessed.

The other pic is my little girls from church walking from my house to the church for a birthday party on Sunday, last. These girls make my heart sing and they asked repeatedly if I would allow them to come over for lunch. They wrapped the gifts while I made dinner. We all watched Chowder on TV and ate our dinner and then went to the baby’s first birthday party. Had a great time, and realized my life is full of

Lucy in the Sky

Oh sweet Lucy girl.

When last you heard from me, I mentioned about having too many kids to fit in my car, so Rob and I were both going to drive a car-load of kids to church today. That did happen. We brought 8 of the 14 which were there. One of those children is Lucy, age 9, who has a very special place in my heart.

Last Sunday night, Lucy went little-girl-crazy-unreasonable when her cousin Dessie, age 15, wouldn’t play with her, but instead sat with her boyfriend in the movie. I was the one they called out of the movie to calm Lucy down. It took about 15 minutes, but it was alright in the end. The girls hugged and made up.

Today, during first service while I was helping to get breakfast around for the little kids, I walked upstairs for some reason, only to hear a pathetic whiney whaling from the women’s room which could only come from my sweet Lucy. Defeated, I opened the door quietly to survey the situation.

There stood Dessie, trying to talk Lucy out of the bathroom stall. Ugh. And of couse the acoustics in the bathroom amplified the whaling so that Rob could actually hear it through the closed doors of the sanctuary. Over the sounds of  the music, at times.

When I asked, Lucy said she wasn’t actually using the bathroom, so I pulled open the door and tried to get her to talk to me without wailing. Somehow, Dessie and I convinced her to come to the basement and talk. She kept asking to go home, and I said I’d drive her as long as she could tell me what was wrong, and if someone had hurt her or touched her wrong, or whatever. You just never know what is going to be said.

So a thought flashed through my head. Because Dessie is so incredibly patient with Lucy. So I sat the girls down and had them number a page 1-10. I asked them to write down the nicest thing that the other one did the day before, and I had them write down their most favorite memory of the other person, as well as saying 5 reasons why they love the other one, what they want the other one to know, etc.

And then they had to read their answers out loud while facing each other.

I was so moved. And the girls were moved too. They gave the papers to each other, and each girl folded her page and put it in a pocket. And then Lucy came and sat with me during church, (She never does that!) and gave me this:

 

Lucy's note to me today.

 

You know, I didn’t get much of a chance to talk with Lucy after she handed this to me. I am not a psychologist (although I wanted to be one, and took MANY college courses about psychology!) or a counselor, I only did what God put in my head. I am not one who is typically able to resolve conflicts.

But today, God showed me what to do, and there was a happy ending. No more Nuclear Lucy.

Is This What I Signed Up For?

Appointments. Appointments. Appointments. Appointments.

Seriously folks, I am drowning in calendar boxes completely full. Stormy has a lawyer appointment tonight, then wants to go shopping for a Halloween Costume. Tomorrow, I rescheduled her psychologist appointment so it doesn’t conflict with my nail appointment (I mean, one MUST have priorities!) so Stormy’s phych appt is on Thursday now, mid-day.

Friday I go back to work. OK I did do something worthwhile yesterday, besides driving Stormy to school, getting a load of straw at my folks’ house, coming home, driving back to my folks’ for more straw,  driving back here, then taking my dad’s truck back and driving back here, then picking Stormy up from school and driving back here, then going to Bible Study and driving back here.

Yeah, I love my car, but yesterday I was in hate with it. I just felt trapped because EVERYWHERE I WENT required a 30 minute car-trip.

Oh the joys of motherhood. And arguing over radio stations. Blehhhhh.

I’m So In

I wonder how I could have been so discouraged yesterday!

Let me just name out all the blessings from this afternoon:

1. Stormy’s Dad said he would let her have her clothes and things back. There was a real concern that he would not.
2. I have tomorrow off work!
3. Stormy has a half-day of school tomorrow, so I am going to spend the morning with my parents, who live near her school!
4. Stormy let me help blow-dry and scrunch her hair this morning. Also, she was adoring my earrings on her ride to school.
5. The ride to school really only takes 20 minutes, so I figured out that I could get up at 6:30 to take her there, and get home before I need to shower and dress. Except that I loved coming home this morning and having breakfast and watching TV with Rob.
6. When we picked Stormy up from her friend’s house today, Rob was able to meet the mom. And we all had a good talk on the way home. And I narrowly missed (but I MISSED) a mailbox when I was backing out of the friend’s driveway.
7. Stormy is excited about Thursday being her “dinner” night. She gets to pick what we have and make it. So she and Rob went to the grocery store tonight and I came home and got to talk to my mom about Stormy’s storms without listening ears.
8. My Aunt Laurel wants to throw a “Getting to know Stormy Party”. Stormy was THRILLED about it.
9. We found out today that Stormy’s Aunt and Uncle are probably going to have custody of her within a month. After the fun we had tonight, I don’t want her to leave.

See how I run hot and cold? I think yesterday I was just holding out about opening up my life to include her in it. I did a lot of soul searching today, and I realized that I keep making comparisons between Stormy and our niece Mindy. They are quite similar, even look a little bit alike… but Mindy (as some of you mentioned in comments from the last post)… Mindy we have had since she was 6 years old. Mindy knows she can’t watch Family Guy and American Dad at my house. She knows not to even think of Horror movies, or crazy loud songs. Mindy loves Rob and me, and respects us. And we love her.

And THAT is where I kept getting caught. Stormy is not Mindy. Stormy is a gutsy, yet troubled young girl. But she is not our niece who knows us and knows the house rules. Stormy is so lighthearted sometimes, and I wonder how that can be, since she’s been through hell since the age of 9, really. But worse in the last couple of months.

Do you know that the school counselor told us yesterday that in 20 years on the job, Stormy is only the second person that’s said her life at home was so bad that she wanted to move out? It’s very brave of her to say that, and yet I can’t help but wonder if she was just trying to be allowed to move into her friend’s awesomely huge and amazing McMansion.

10. Tonight, I made dinner. Stormy sat at the table with us. It was a lot of fun. She also helped cook and helped put the food away afterward.

11. Stormy made ham roll-ups like her mom used to make for her when she was a small child. They have a sweet pickle in the middle instead of a green onion. Pretty delicious. But I saw beyond the food craving of hers, to nostalgia for her mom that she hasn’t been allowed to talk about or feel for about 6 years, since she was taken away from her mom. I believe that it signifys that she feels safe and …. I guess somewhat happy here, because she was eager to share that with Rob and me.

12. Stormy is an ice-cream fanatic. She is so cute. Rob and I will each get 2 scoops of ice cream, and stormy will have a hugely gigantic bowl full. With chocolate syrup on top. It tickles me.

13. TV. OK. Last night was ugly, because she didn’t want to watch Dancing with the Stars! And she wanted me to watch Horror Movie previews on the Netflix website. But tonight, we found a favorite show together. Ok this is really bad. It’s on MTV, a channel that I nearly V-chipped when Mindy lived here. It’s called Paris Hilton’s My New BFF. I am not ashamed to say that we watched a solid 2 hours of that tonight. It wasn’t, you know, building up to my soul, but at least it wasn’t a Horror Flick. AND. Stormy and I like the same chick on that show. We laughed and laughed. And when 11PM came, she was tired and went off to bed.

14. I finished the Purple Curtains for Stormy’s room. She likes purple and She didn’t like the red toppers I had in there from when we thought we were getting that little boy, Big D a while back. She said, “Jayleigh, this looks like a cowboy.” I told her that was good, because it was my original intention. So the fix? I just got purple bandannas and made a curtain topper from them. It matches the purple carpeting. Woohoo.

My life is wonderful. God is amazing. He showed me today that my driving Stormy to the little town where her school is located can be an act of love, if I let it be. God shows me daily that Stormy is a sweetheart, even if she’s having an attitude problem. But even then, she can’t help come out of her shell with Rob and me.

I would write more, but I am very tired. Thank you all so much for your prayers. I needed them. I still need them, but I know that God won’t let me flop. Rob and I are in this for the long haul. And I am finding beauty in the everyday sameness. And the mundane parental tasks. And the deciding on a House Love (Chore) List together yesterday. And in letting Stormy choose what she does and on which day. And in working along side of her to make sure our house is clean and safe and comfortable. As Noelle so aptly put it (in her comment on the last post), working as a TEAM. And that’s what Rob and I are striving for,

God bless you all!

Good Weekend!

Mindy is such a blessing–truly. She will be 18 at the end of October, and Stormy is 15. Stormy soooo loved meeting Mindy yesterday that when Mindy asked her to come and work at the Haunted Woods, Stormy said, “Pleeeeeeeeease Rob and Jayleigh can I go with her?” And we agreed, saying we’d pick her up at 9. Then she said, “Pleeeeeeeeeease can I stay for the whole thing?” (11pm) and we said … “How about 10?”

So we showed up at 10, and the cast of the Haunted Woods was getting warm by the bonfire. We waited until they were thawed out, and then took our little lantern out into the scaaary woods.

Have I ever mentioned before how I hate hate HATE scary things? I don’t like being nervous or afraid. I clung to Rob’s side and slightly behind him because the lantern made it so we couldn’t get our night vision very well as it was always shining in our eyes.

We walked for a few minutes before anyone scared us, and I was beginning to get really nerved up. Finally, our dear Mindy screamed “aaaaaaaahhhhh!!!!!!!” from the bushes and I let out a blood-curdling scream. I could hear the entire cast giggling throughout the woods and I had to laugh too. It was scary, but not gruesome. It was very good-natured.

Then, this guy came running at us with a white mask (the one that the Scary Movie was modeled after) and ran past us. I was scared to death on that one. All the rest of the scares were fairly mundane, but we had to walk through a tunnel and I was POSITIVE that someone was behind us. So I turned Rob around and made him shine the lantern into the dark woods and saw nothing. I was SOOOO creeped out.

Rob headed into the tunnel and I stayed at arms’ length behind him because … I don’t know. I think I was afraid they would close the doors on the tunnel and trap us there. My mind went into a funny place. Then Rob said he saw the end, and he said, “Prepare to be scared,” and so I closed my eyes and walked with my head on his shoulder. I couldn’t see my feet anyway.

Have I ever said how much I love Rob? He’s so calm and cool in the middle of every single thing. I remain amazed at his ability not to scream like I do. He saw the “scare-er” out of the corner of his eye before they scared us. He said that, then I tensed up, and then it wasn’t very scary, although I still let out a high-pitched scream.

You know, most of my screams were for the benefit of the cast. I didn’t want them to feel bad, you know? (You know I’m lying, right?)

Anyway, Mindy and Stormy followed us out of the woods. And…. we thought we were done. But…. no. This kid jumped out of the weeds just as we were about to cross the bridge. I FLIPPED OUT, and then told the kids I just didn’t want the guy to feel bad. Hehehe.

Nobody was believing my line of BS, by the way.

And, then we took the girls home. It was very nice to have a couple of alone-hours with Rob while the girls were at the Haunted Woods. Who KNEW how much of a damper a teenager can put on your, ahem, love life? I guess we knew, but forgot because Mindy’s not lived with us for quite some time.

So yesterday was a good day. Stormy made most of our dinner and really likes to help cook. We’re going to roll out her chore list today. That should be fun. Not.

Thanks everyone for your prayers.

Unspoken Thoughts to the Girl at the Laundromat

Dear Girl,

Why, on this sunny morning, are you hanging out at the laundromat? Why do you have 4 huge loads of laundry? I wonder if you’re here often, because I’ve never seen you here before, and I’m a regular.

I wonder if you realize that we can see your white and your beige bras going round-and-round in the dryer. Can’t you tell that they are hooked in the side of the drum? Everyone else can tell.

Do you not know, dear girl, that everyone looks at the things you’re folding? Why then, do you have your little hot-pink-and-orange filmy nighty spread out on the folding table for all the world to see? Have you no shame? Were you trying to strike up a conversation with me?

Even if you try to hide your very large bras underneath the hot-pink-and-orange nightie, we still know they’re there. And so do you. I wonder why you did that, bring all your lingerie to the laundromat?

OK OK OK OK OK OK ALREADY!!! I was the girl at the laundromat. And nobody said these things to me, but they may as well have. I haven’t had to go there in about 12 years (because my husband spoils me terribly, plus, we’re grown-ups!) and I felt very much out of place. And also, I completely forgot that there are some things which you wash at home, by hand, FOR A REASON.

It was still fun, though. The laundromat smells delightful, and is sunny in the morning. I knew the woman working at the counter and she comented very sweetly about my crochet project. I had a McD’s coffee drink and a very nice hour-and-10-minutes to wash, dry, and fold ALL of my laundry. It was awesome.

Hope your Labor Day is great, too!

Home Again, Home Again

Jiggety Jig.

Rob is home. Glory to God!

I love dancing with Rob while in our jammies, in the bedroom or the kitchen. To this song, just now:

My honey and me, in Chicago this summer. I am actually taller than Rob by a little, but I was standing on sloping concrete!

Yesterday when I had my hair pinned in an updo–the temp was so hot outside–a hairdresser from down the block came into Work and told me how awesome my hair always looks. I was thrilled, because I don’t feel like I do a good job on it most of the time. She said, “it always looks so cool!”

A piano-man from near here asked if we still lived on Bruin Road. He said, “in that pretty little house that sits back a ways from the road.” I told him that we live in the BLUE house, and usually when people say the pretty house, they mean the yellow one next door. “No,” he assured me, “I am quite sure I mean the blue house. The lawn is always mowed and trimmed, and there’s not tons of shubbery and things around the

These are the insidious W.e.bki.nz

house. It just always looks pretty and well-cared-for.”

A little girl came into Work last night with her daddy. While she was looking at the W.e.bk.inz plush toys, the daddy came to me and told me that the Tooth Fairy had left a coupon for his little girl, and could I please accept the coupon as payment for a toy. So I completed the transaction unbeknownst to the girlie and finally she came up to my counter with a tooth-holey smile and handed over the Magical Tooth Fairy Coupon. She told me a story about how she was afraid for her tooth to fall out, but then she was goofing around and it just fell out on its own and didn’t hurt her a bit!

Magical Tooth Fairy Coupon

Anyway, good times, no?

And ROB IS HOME! Did I mention it?

This Would Be….

And this, Nastia Liukin, would be why I so love to watch gymnastics during the Olympics. I am a “landlubber” who doesn’t move gracefully or beautifully, or flexibly like this.

And as my momma always says when I express jealousy of someone else: You just don’t know what their problems are like or what they’ve had to give up to get where they are in life.

 

Canon in D (or Rainbow in the Rear View)

This is not me playing, but it’s the version and the song I am working on.

Is life so bad when Canon in D is stuck in your head? No, dear friends. It’s reminding me of something I saw today that I don’t think I have ever seen before: a rainbow in the rear-view mirror.

Rainbow in the Rear View Mirror?

Yeah. Rob and I wanted to go to a little diner near here tonight for supper. We were tired and instead of spending our energy on finding food and making it, we decided to look into each other’s eyes and TALK and rest and eat.

We walked from the house to the car and it was RAINING SO HARD! But it was so delightfully sunshiny! And just outside our door was a huge, vivid rainbow. This is the second time I have been blessed to be standing in the pouring-down rain and gaze at a perfect rainbow this summer. I LOVE THEM!

Wet through, we got into the car and made our turn about a mile down the road. I caught a glimpse of the rainbow again in the rear view and didn’t think anything until a minute later when I was running the phrase “rainbow in the rear view” through my head and liked the sound of it.

Mork! Can you believe it!

I was astonished at myself that something I have always really loved, rainbows, would become so blah to me that I could see it in the mirror and not have an attitude of complete joy. You may not understand my level of passion for them, so I will try to desribe:

1. I so adored the story of Noah when I was a little one, because it had a boat, and animals and best of all, a pretty rainbow.
2. I owned a pair of Mork and Mindy suspenders and wore them practically every day of 5th grade.
3. My junior year of HS, my parents redid my bedroom. Dotty and I got new sheets and comforters, new curtains, and even bedskirts. Rainbow colored hearts on a white background. I think they were from JC Penney.
4. From 2nd grade on, I HAD to arrange my crayon box, and especially my drawings of rainbows, in the traditional ROY-G-BIV fashion. Imagine me in 4th grade, crying because I realized that I didn’t know where black and brown crayons fit in.
5. The only other things I liked as much as rainbows when I was a kid? 50-cent pieces, the tiny perfume and lipstick samples that came in my grandma’s AVON order, grape Bonnie Bell chapstick (which I actually ate in 1st grade because I was hungry), watching fireworks, riding my bike, swimming. (These are a few of my favorite things….)

Earlier this summer, I stood in the sunshine, in the rain to see the rainbow. It was so vivid. I had a hard day and Rob wasn’t home for some reason. The neighbors and I stood at the end of our driveways and giggled and stared until it faded away. Today I stood out in the rain until I was soaked looking at the rainbow. I can’t NOT rejoice that God has placed such beauty right outside my front door!

It seems like my rainbow in the rear view has more to do with not noticing all the other blessings in my life. I sure notice the rainbow. But did I notice how my boss seemed less anxious and in a fighting mood today? I am not happy about Rob working in Detroit, but did I tell him how thankful I was that he’s such a careful driver that he arrived in one piece? Did I thank God for matching me with a man who left an I LOVE YOU sticky note on the table for me this morning?

Yesterday when I got to work, I proclaimed that this week I would do two things, if nothing else: Build up and not tear down (only constructive and encouraging words if I can possibly help it) and that I would not be rebellious. Oh why do I have to choose the most difficult tasks.

But it’s made me happy. HAPPY! How can that be? Because I am doing what God asked me to do. I am being nice. I am being cheerful. I am being loving. And I am not making other people feel bad about themselves. AND I feel like I need to not come down on myself either.

I am really tired, and I think maybe I am writing in circles. So this is it for now. Jayleigh out.

 

Tootsies

My manicurist had fun with my toes this week!

I get my nails done twice a month by the coolest manicurist in the world. She’s just a few days older than Dotty and me, and we always have a good time. She listens to my “catalog of woe” and I to hers… we give advice, and support. We laugh and cry together. We rarely argue, but it’s been known to happen over politics (which is why I don’t typically talk about politics).

Last Wednesday, she panted my fingernails this pretty color of pink, called “Pompeii Purple.” It’s a joke because that’s one of her last names. One of those two words, I mean, is one of her last names.

She moved on to my toes, and suddenly, I saw her painting GREEN around my cuticle. I flipped out and asked her what on earth was going on. She said, “Hang in there, Sweetie. You’ll see.” I hoped she was right.

So now I’m walking around with Watermelon Toes. It’s pretty cute and funny, no?

Party Party Party

This is my Dad figuring out we were having a party for HIM!

 

My little cousin Will.i.am with me at my dad’s retirement party on July 4. He’s so cute and I love him so much. We had a great time taking each other’s picture!

 

My niece, Cassie, me, and Charlie-boy at my dad’s party. Cassie was my shadow for almost the whole party and it was a balm unto my soul. I love that little girl so much. (Please don’t look at how my shirt is all stuck up hither and yon!)

 

My mom’s friend Maxine brought along a watermelon and wanted to have a seed-spitting contest. My Grandma Cole taught me how to do that at a young age, so I was all-in baby! From the left, we have Cassie, me, Cousin Will.i.am, Cousin Tegan, and Cousin Nellie. Guess who won!

 

 

Me of couse. Look at those stupid seed-spitting poofy-cheeks? And guess what I won!

 

Alright. It wasn’t that big. I think it was a half-pound, whereas this is 5lbs (said the caption of the website from which I blatantly stole this image).

Lastly, my super-sweet hubby darling with Will.i.am.

 

What a great day to have spent with my family!

Little Beds

Last weekend, Rob put together the bunk beds. We lamented together that our Foster Licensing Worker hasn’t been in contact with us for ever-so-long. And we decided to tackle the HUGE job of putting the kids’ room together and clearing out my yarn and craft things a little at a time.

So. This afternoon Rob and I were talking and decided that we couldn’t be upset until the room was completely together and we still hadn’t heard from Billie, our Case Worker. I checked my email after that, and Billie had sent some more paperwork for us to fill out. And tonight while Rob was at a meeting, I put bedding on the bunks.

It’s such a conglomeration of different types of bedding. I would never in my right mind put those styles and colors together. But it was with such love that the bedding was given to me by my Grandma. And I couldn’t not use it.

Because frankly I don’t have the money to buy new and “stylish” bedding. And I don’t really think little ones would care. Now if we have teenagers, they might complain. I may take a photo tomorrow. 

*grin*

Jackpot!!!

My friend from High School came into work yesterday with her hubby and 4 kids. We’ve been communicating via email for several months and have talked about some pretty deep things. I was so glad to see her… that this non-huggy-of-non-family-members-woman (me!) was inspired to hug my dear friend!

They were going to visit her dad, who is a nurse at a Convalescent Home. One of her kids said, “I like going to Papa’s work. We hit the jackpot… because there’s is TON of Grandmas and Grandpas who live there and want to give out hugs!”

Warmth

-Next-door neighbors we haven’t seen in months brought over home made jam and biscuits, and chatted about everything from our potential foster kids, to God’s divine providence in our lives.

-Iced mocha. I can’t help that it makes me so happy.

-Sunshine. Having a nice day to go to Michigan State to hang with my cousin, Tegan.

-Shopping at Hobby Lobby. Buying things to make my sister a pair of PJ’s like I made myself.

-Most of all, knowing that Jesus loves me.