Alive Alive Alive Forever More!

Catching Fireflies with my Cousins

Things have been going OK here in the city. The drama from a few weeks ago has cleared up, to be replaced by drama from the church secretary who feels that she can not only boss my husband around, but take him down a peg or two in the Theology Department.

Rob is amazing and kindhearted and wonderful, and seemingly very laid back, but I don’t think I’d ever treat him the way that Polly has been, especially in public. I believe Polly will come to regret her actions, and vengence is not mine, though I am agitated to the hilt.

VBS is this week, in the evenings, though we didn’t go tonight since we were due at a family party. My aunt and cousins had come up from Charleston, SC for the first time in about 5 years. It was a wonderful evening, and I caught fireflies with my baby cousins. Sooo sweet.

Blown Completely Away

Rob wrote this to me while he was away this weekend. I was blown away and I want to be a better wife because of the same reasons.

Saturday, May 16, 2009 3:20 PM

Dearest Jay,

I am reminded, as I have been apart from you for some 77 hours, that I can be fine when I am away from you, but I cannot be great or good.

I am sorry for the times that I have been:

· Slow to respond to your requests for my attention
· Slow to respond to requests for my action or assistance
· Too tired to spend time awake and interactive with you
· Too absorbed in the work of ministry to give you the attention that you deserve
· Too absorbed with the Internet things or television programs that I like to watch or do to give you the attention that you deserve

God has called me into this work of ministry in the local church and I cannot resist that call for fear of it burning in my bones. God has put his people in my heart and I cannot stop praying for them, teaching them, ministering with them, preaching to them, or caring from them, but that calling does not nor should it supersede the covenant relationship that I have with you in our marriage. The marriage that I must remind myself that God has helped us to rebuild into something strong and beautiful after the cares and temptations of the world had made it into something dirty and immoral and broken to pieces.

I wish to reaffirm with my words and my actions, my love and my caring for you. I wish to rededicate myself to giving you food from my heart rather than the crumbs that fall from the table.

I have a strong will, a strong mind, and a strong soul, but you are my heart and my passion. I can be fine without you, but I cannot be great or good without you.

Will you continue to be my bride and my wife, my partner and my helpmate?
Will you continue to be my friend, compatriot, and cohort?
Will you continue to be my confidant and lover?

This scripture from Ephesians 5:22-30 was laid on my heart and my mind this afternoon:

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, in order to make her holy by cleansing her with the washing of water by the word, so as to present the church to himself in splendor, without a spot or a wrinkle or anything of the kind – yes, so that she may be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as they do their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hates his own body, but nourishes it and tenderly cares for it, just as Christ does for the church, because we are members of his body.

You are a member of my body, no less than my good left arm is a part of my body. I am crying real tears as I type this because I feel convicted that I have not loved, and nourished and cared for you, as I should have since we have made the transition to the Big City for service in full time ministry.

I wish to celebrate our life together in the Big City, in ministry, as pastor and laywoman, and more importantly as husband and wife, TOGETHER. Not struggling through the challenges that we face as separate rulers of our own domains, but as partners in love and in Christ.

I feel responsible, that you would not have to be so strong and so hard in your words and actions, if I nurtured, and cherished, washed and nourished your whole being and truly treated you as my own body.

In my eyes and in my heart you truly are beautiful and glorious, pure and splendid without blemish, wrinkle, or spot.

Please forgive me for my shortcomings and shortfalls as your husband.
After 16 plus years of marriage, thank you for being my lovely bride and my loving wife.

With all of the love in my heart, the cup that God fills to overflowing,
Rob

Lucy in the Sky

Oh sweet Lucy girl.

When last you heard from me, I mentioned about having too many kids to fit in my car, so Rob and I were both going to drive a car-load of kids to church today. That did happen. We brought 8 of the 14 which were there. One of those children is Lucy, age 9, who has a very special place in my heart.

Last Sunday night, Lucy went little-girl-crazy-unreasonable when her cousin Dessie, age 15, wouldn’t play with her, but instead sat with her boyfriend in the movie. I was the one they called out of the movie to calm Lucy down. It took about 15 minutes, but it was alright in the end. The girls hugged and made up.

Today, during first service while I was helping to get breakfast around for the little kids, I walked upstairs for some reason, only to hear a pathetic whiney whaling from the women’s room which could only come from my sweet Lucy. Defeated, I opened the door quietly to survey the situation.

There stood Dessie, trying to talk Lucy out of the bathroom stall. Ugh. And of couse the acoustics in the bathroom amplified the whaling so that Rob could actually hear it through the closed doors of the sanctuary. Over the sounds of  the music, at times.

When I asked, Lucy said she wasn’t actually using the bathroom, so I pulled open the door and tried to get her to talk to me without wailing. Somehow, Dessie and I convinced her to come to the basement and talk. She kept asking to go home, and I said I’d drive her as long as she could tell me what was wrong, and if someone had hurt her or touched her wrong, or whatever. You just never know what is going to be said.

So a thought flashed through my head. Because Dessie is so incredibly patient with Lucy. So I sat the girls down and had them number a page 1-10. I asked them to write down the nicest thing that the other one did the day before, and I had them write down their most favorite memory of the other person, as well as saying 5 reasons why they love the other one, what they want the other one to know, etc.

And then they had to read their answers out loud while facing each other.

I was so moved. And the girls were moved too. They gave the papers to each other, and each girl folded her page and put it in a pocket. And then Lucy came and sat with me during church, (She never does that!) and gave me this:

 

Lucy's note to me today.

 

You know, I didn’t get much of a chance to talk with Lucy after she handed this to me. I am not a psychologist (although I wanted to be one, and took MANY college courses about psychology!) or a counselor, I only did what God put in my head. I am not one who is typically able to resolve conflicts.

But today, God showed me what to do, and there was a happy ending. No more Nuclear Lucy.

MySpace Parenting

Stormy had Saturday School (detention) today. We used the 4 hours to finish up Christmas shopping. We’re all done except for getting gift certificates for a month of guitar lessons for Stormy and Mindy. They are psyched about it. I am psyched that the shopping is finished!

I sent the following message this afternoon to Stormy on her myspace after she’d had quite a tiff with her step sister on the phone. Stormy actually cried in front of me, and talked with me, and hugged me. And so I wrote this to her, and her reply was after that.

 

I’m sleepy, but wanted to share.
Love,

Jay

—————– Original Message —————–
From: J
Date: Dec 6, 2008 5:14 PM

Hey Stormy,

Just wanted to say again that I love you. You’re a GREAT kiddo.

And guess what!

I had SO MUCH FUN shopping for you for Christmas. Because I liked exactly the same things when I was your age. And my momma wasn’t as cool and fun as I am with you.

Rob and I love that you’re here. We hurt when you’re sad and I just wanna scream when someone is mean to you.

I just wanted to say that you’re “in” with me. In the family. In my life. On my heart and mind all the time. I pray to God for your safety and happiness all the time. And that things in your life go according to the way He wants them to be.

Anyway.

C’mon Charlie. Let’s go to the magical candy mountain charlie!

Love,

J

 

 

Dec 6, 2008 7:41 PM

RE: hugs

Body:

thanks jayyyyyyyyy..i’m very happy here with u guys and 2 be a part of the family i care a lot 4 u 2 and I couldnt have asked 4 a better place 2 b “placed”

thanks 4 caring, i love you!
Stormy

This is What Stinks

What stinks is when one of your closest friends COMPLETELY misinterprets something you said, and then says you are angry at them, and then says that it was completely unnecessary for your anger to have flared, and accuses you of browbeating them and others with the Bible, and surrounding yourself with “only the worthy.”

And this all happened because you (or in this case I) said, “What exactly do you mean by sending this email whose first line says this: 

It’s best to not use the Bible as an authority when discussing religion with someone who doesn’t accept it as such.  As Christians we make this mistake often. We use scripture to prove things without first finding out what authority, if any, a person accepts.  

The truth of the matter? I didn’t read the rest of the email. I only wondered if this person was accusing ME of browbeating others with the Bible. I was asking because I thought this person was judging me, and I didn’t want to get upset about it until I was sure about what they were saying.

Do you want to know what they were saying? It was something I already knew about that person. Here it is, in their own words:

So instead of being angry when you read this, you might have further gained some insight into my style of witnessing to atheist and agnostics in my life, and also. An admission that I don’t always listen, but am sometimes just politely waiting to talk.

I never questioned that, btw. I always knew it. I don’t always agree with every little word out of their mouth, but I always took the above to be 100% truthful. Maybe I didn’t say it enough. Who knows.

The plain truth is that I am far from perfect.

I certainly don’t want anyone to harp on my friend here, I just needed to vent. I need help to understand what is hurting this person so much that they need to lash out in this manner. If they only knew how much their words sting and hurt… if they only tried to expect the best from their close friends and family, and not just to assume that everyone hates them.

I love my friend dearly. I know they are a good person. I know that, even if it may not be obvious to Joe-on-the-street, they do love Jesus and have Him as their personal savior. The rest is just gravy. So…

Ball is in your court, friend. I love you.

Cool Friend Jayleigh

Noon today at work, I received a call from our Social Worker. She had a 15-year-old girl, Stormy, who needed a placement. After hearing the particulars, I said I’d call my hubby and get back with her ASAP.

Hubby called the Social Worker and asked 100 questions, then called me back and reported that the parents treat her like dirt, and that she is a nice girl, typical teenager, and that she has been physically and verbally abused.

Around 5 today, Stormy came with the social worker. Funny, I’d heard one of the reasons she was kicked out of her home was for coloring her hair. So naturally, when the young lady at my front door had–I kid you not–EMERALD GREEN streaks througout her hair, naturally I thought it was Stormy. It wasn’t. It was the Social Worker! She was cute, but I don’t want green hair, thanks!

Stormy went to have pizza with Rob and me tonight. We took her grocery shopping and then to get underthings. She saw some school-friends and hid behind clothes racks, not wanting to be seen in borrowed clothes and no makeup. She looked adorable to me, but I know how hard it is to be a 15-year-old girl with a charmed life, let alone one with a crappy life.

On the way home, Stormy thanked us both for letting her stay in her current school for the time being (it’s 35 minutes away), and for her new pink plaid pajama pants and “the rest of the stuff.” She said, “I might not seem normal to you for a little while, because I’m not used to being in a normal house. You know, where people are nice to each other and stuff.”

We had Stormy call her best friend to let her know that everything was OK. She admitted to her friend that she was frightened, but that “Jayleigh and Rob are so nice to me, and they haven’t had kids before, and they are really, really cool and nice.”

My heart melted for this sweet girl. I know I may not be singing her praises in a day or in a week, but when someone is raw and hurting, you can see beneath the crap that may pile up later, to the sweet and precious soul underneath. God bless her!

Also, instead of being Mommy Jayleigh, I’m “cool friend Jayleigh.” How did God know that I’d like that title too?

Is it wrong for me to be this happy? Stormy is so sad. Her dad took away her “showering privileges.” And her new school clothes. Just took them away and called her nasty nasty names and beat up on her… because her dyed hair looked bad, so she redid it.

I know there’s two sides to every story. I know that. But violent threats and actions, and foul language have no part in any kid’s life. And it sickens me to know that anyone was horrible to this little girl. This little girl, who by the way, told us tonight that she would be very sad and feel horrible if she ever had to leave us. That was after being with us for all of 4 hours. There’s something wrong there. I mean, Rob and I are fun, but how sad that she’s been treated so bad in her life that she now feels that close to us already.

One other thing, Rob and I have found ally in Stormy. Rob, in his cereal-eating craze. Me, in my purple-bedroom-decorating (hers!) and raw-cookie-dough-eating-craze.

Failure

I am a dud. And not of the Milk variety.

It seems that if there’s problems with your coworkers, your boss, your niece, and then your husband, that the problem, Jayleigh, is not with THEM  but with you.

• Did I need to shout at my husband for not putting away the flowers like I asked him to?
• Was it completely necessary that I told my niece that I wouldn’t wake her in the morning to work out, that she’d better be waiting for me at 8:30?
• Should Ii really have gotten Jolie in trouble at work because she got me in trouble earlier?
• Who’s to blame for me getting in trouble with Kitty? Because I did do what she was upset about. And now I see why she was so upset. But I couldn’t see it at the time.

Dear Father God, what is wrong with me? It feels like I am falling apart at the seams! I hate how I feel right now. I want to do your will, but I can’t even hear or see what that means because I’m spinning in circles. I haven’t been getting much sleep because I just know that we are supposed to try to adopt Big D, and I can’t sleep well if everyone’s not at home. Please, save me from myself. Help me. Show me. And hold onto my tongue so I don’t completely alienate everyone who loves me and knows me. Amen.

Canon in D (or Rainbow in the Rear View)

This is not me playing, but it’s the version and the song I am working on.

Is life so bad when Canon in D is stuck in your head? No, dear friends. It’s reminding me of something I saw today that I don’t think I have ever seen before: a rainbow in the rear-view mirror.

Rainbow in the Rear View Mirror?

Yeah. Rob and I wanted to go to a little diner near here tonight for supper. We were tired and instead of spending our energy on finding food and making it, we decided to look into each other’s eyes and TALK and rest and eat.

We walked from the house to the car and it was RAINING SO HARD! But it was so delightfully sunshiny! And just outside our door was a huge, vivid rainbow. This is the second time I have been blessed to be standing in the pouring-down rain and gaze at a perfect rainbow this summer. I LOVE THEM!

Wet through, we got into the car and made our turn about a mile down the road. I caught a glimpse of the rainbow again in the rear view and didn’t think anything until a minute later when I was running the phrase “rainbow in the rear view” through my head and liked the sound of it.

Mork! Can you believe it!

I was astonished at myself that something I have always really loved, rainbows, would become so blah to me that I could see it in the mirror and not have an attitude of complete joy. You may not understand my level of passion for them, so I will try to desribe:

1. I so adored the story of Noah when I was a little one, because it had a boat, and animals and best of all, a pretty rainbow.
2. I owned a pair of Mork and Mindy suspenders and wore them practically every day of 5th grade.
3. My junior year of HS, my parents redid my bedroom. Dotty and I got new sheets and comforters, new curtains, and even bedskirts. Rainbow colored hearts on a white background. I think they were from JC Penney.
4. From 2nd grade on, I HAD to arrange my crayon box, and especially my drawings of rainbows, in the traditional ROY-G-BIV fashion. Imagine me in 4th grade, crying because I realized that I didn’t know where black and brown crayons fit in.
5. The only other things I liked as much as rainbows when I was a kid? 50-cent pieces, the tiny perfume and lipstick samples that came in my grandma’s AVON order, grape Bonnie Bell chapstick (which I actually ate in 1st grade because I was hungry), watching fireworks, riding my bike, swimming. (These are a few of my favorite things….)

Earlier this summer, I stood in the sunshine, in the rain to see the rainbow. It was so vivid. I had a hard day and Rob wasn’t home for some reason. The neighbors and I stood at the end of our driveways and giggled and stared until it faded away. Today I stood out in the rain until I was soaked looking at the rainbow. I can’t NOT rejoice that God has placed such beauty right outside my front door!

It seems like my rainbow in the rear view has more to do with not noticing all the other blessings in my life. I sure notice the rainbow. But did I notice how my boss seemed less anxious and in a fighting mood today? I am not happy about Rob working in Detroit, but did I tell him how thankful I was that he’s such a careful driver that he arrived in one piece? Did I thank God for matching me with a man who left an I LOVE YOU sticky note on the table for me this morning?

Yesterday when I got to work, I proclaimed that this week I would do two things, if nothing else: Build up and not tear down (only constructive and encouraging words if I can possibly help it) and that I would not be rebellious. Oh why do I have to choose the most difficult tasks.

But it’s made me happy. HAPPY! How can that be? Because I am doing what God asked me to do. I am being nice. I am being cheerful. I am being loving. And I am not making other people feel bad about themselves. AND I feel like I need to not come down on myself either.

I am really tired, and I think maybe I am writing in circles. So this is it for now. Jayleigh out.

 

Sweet Duet

I’ve never kept secrets that I don’t really get along with my m-i-l. Don’t get me wrong please. I love her because she gave birth to the most wonderful man in the world. And usually my patience runs thin with her.

But tonight I had the peace that passes understanding. We were having a later dinner with my in-laws when my m-i-l asked if I would play a duet on her piano. She wanted to play “America” and (I don’t remember the key signature) it only had one flat, a B flat. And I can play that key quite easily.

We giggled and played and had a wonderful time. It was fun. She’s not that horrible a person, I just can’t spend loads of time with her and not get miffed over something.

Plus, it was like 85 and they had no windows open, no fans going, and the air not on. I thought I might die. But I didn’t. I just chatted and helped with dishes and was a good Jayleigh.

The Good Samaritan – #1

I was driving into town today when I noticed a truck parked on the right side of the road and two men walking with a gas can toward the station just a mile down. I once picked up a guy with a gas can in the same spot, and my co-workers and friends flipped out. So I just drove on by while guilt spilled over me. It was about 10 degrees with a driving wind and snow.

McDonald’s was my first stop. I was in dire need of a cup of coffee and something to eat. I looked down and saw the $10 sitting on my seat and couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t help those two guys walking down the road. So when I came to the gas station, I walked in and asked the girl for $5 in change and please put the other $5 on the bill of the guy who will be here with a gas can in about 5 minutes.

The cashier looked at me as though I flipped out but gave me my change. I explained that I was alone and there were 2 fellas walking and I wanted to help, but I wanted to be safe, too. I turned and walked out, then drove a couple of blocks down to Mc D’s. I ordered my coffee and sandwich and picked a parking spot where I could see the gas station.

I began praying for The Guy and His Friend that the Lord bless them and keep them. I watched as he walked into the gas station. He was in there for a very long period of time and I left when he came out and started to fill his can.

It feels wonderful to help persons who have no idea who helped them. I’m going to do this some more.

Prayers and Deep Breaths

Mindy flipped out today.

She lied about completing several homework assignments and then she got really sassy-mouthed when I took her to the school to retrieve her books at 3:30. As we left the school, she mumbled a bunch of stuff that I didn’t hear. To comfort and calm her, I laid my hand on her shoulder and she dropped her books and wriggled out of her coat and stuck her fists in my face, ready to start punching.

She called me all kinds of names and grumbled and said she wouldn’t get back into my car. She told me to get the frick out of her personal space. She shoved me several times, saying to get out of her space, but I didn’t, because she was trying to run around the back side of the school and I was trying to find out why she was so upset.

She vowed that “You won’t win this time, Aunt Jayleigh, so just FRICKING leave me. You are the devil. You have everyone fooled into believing that you’re something wonderful when you’re just the devil in disguise. ” Lots more stuff like that. “I don’t FRICKING care about this damn FRICKING homework, or about YOU or about Uncle ROB or ANYTHING. You can do what you want to me, I’ll scream RAPE and people will come running because I’m a kid and they will protect me.”

Me: Will you get in the car with me, please. I will take you back to your Dad’s.

Mindy: (screaming) You are a FRICKING LIAR. ALL YOU EVER DO IS LIE. You’re going to make me to back to that FRICKING HELL HOLE you call a house. You’re going to FRICKING tell me what to FRICKING do and you’re getting off on being a FRICKING RAG to me now.

Me: Mindy, you’re brilliant and wonderful. I LOVE YOU! And I hate it when we argue. I don’t even care about the homework anymore, let’s just get in the car and warm up and I’ll take you wherever you want to go.

Mindy: GET AWAY FROM ME, or I swear I will kick you.

Me: Mindy, just calm down, please.

Then she kicked me. And I went on auto-pilot. I grabbed her so fast around the back of her neck with one hand and on her ear with the other hand. I pulled her close so she couldn’t kick me anymore. And I refrained from kicking the living hell out of that child, but it was touch and go for a moment.

Now she is at her father’s house. I refuse to let any of her personal items or clothes be removed from my home until she’s apologized. Also, when she’s apologized (wholeheartedly), I will consider her moving back into my house if she agrees to a great many ground rules, the first one being no physical harm to Aunt Jayleigh or Uncle Rob.

What did I do wrong? Why did this child completely flip out? She’s lied about homework assignments at least once per week ever since Christmas Break.

Net told me that I didn’t do anything wrong, and even if I did, it was all done with love and best intentions for Mindy. I have never EVER laid a hand on this child, even when she deserved it, until today when she kicked me.

I just don’t know where to go from here. I think she needs some serious counseling to deal with anger issues. I am shivering so badly right now, Rob is concerned that I’m in shock, but I don’t think so. I can function just fine.

Prayers please, and reminders to take a huge, deep breath.

Oh, btw, I doubt seriously we are taking Mindy to South Carolina.