VACATION!!!!! YEAH!

Just got home last night. I wrote this yesterday.

 

The best thing I can think of about this vacation is actually more than one thing.

The food. Garrett has cooked for us nonstop since we arrived. He’s not gourmet, but man is he ever close. WOW! Melon and chocolate the first night. Eggs, ham, cheese and potato hash yesterday morning. BBQ grilled chicken for lunch with dried cherries (of which I ate way way way too many and ended up with a sick tummy for the rest of the day), grilled ENORMOUS steaks last night, with asparagus and baked potato.

The atmosphere. This is a log cabin. I LOVE IT. And it’s In the middle of the woods. Again, I LOVE IT. I have not seen another house in the time we’ve been here, and believe me, we have looked. No road noise of any sort; just birds chirping their long, low, melancholy songs, and rain on the metal roof of the barn.

Reconnecting with God. I knew when we decided to come here that it was a retreat for my soul as well as my body. Garrett had confided in me a while back that their previous pastor had taken her vacations here and spent much time alone and studying. After breakfast yesterday, for about 4 hours, I sat on the porch swing and wrote in my leather journal that my family had given me. I wrote about mundane things such as what’s going on this week in my life, and also about two recent deaths that have impacted us greatly (one because it means Rob has to do a funeral, and we’re going home a day early from this glorious retreat because of it, and the other because she was my boss at my very first job at the Bridal Shop, and also a very close family friend). I wrote of a series of books I am reading by author Jeanette Oke, which are similar to the Little House on the Prairie books, in that they are set In the same time period and they are very strongly Christian books.  I share their exact same theology, and it’s one which is welcoming and loving. I love when our Savior’s love is proclaimed so, I guess, lovingly.

Also, when I had written my heart out for a while, I sat there and listened to God’s creation. I also read Psalms and prayed for a long while. I cried and cried because Rob had read Psalm 139 to me earlier in the morning, but now it was as though the Lord was telling my heart, “Jayleigh, even though you know that I know your heart and tell me that we’ll talk later, we never do. Understand that you need to take the time away from life to tell me your heart. That is for YOU, because I do know your heart without you telling me.” He knows my lying down and my rising up. If I make my bed in Sheol, He is there. The darkness of night is as light to Him.

It was one of the most moving moments of my entire life. I sat there under blankets (it was only 50 degrees) for FOUR glorious hours, communing with God and with His creation. My final prayers were that I would be filled “for the long haul” and remember to come to Him in prayer OFTEN, and not just when I was at my wits’ end. And also, that Stormy (fc 1) will be moved by the Lord to accept His true love and His healing into her life. (She wrote an email the day we left for vacation, cussing us out for WHO KNOWS WHY, calling us both some horrid names, swearing, and misusing the Lord’s name. I choose not to respond to her in writing, but in earnest prayer.

Riding Quads. You KNOW I am not really an adrenaline seeker. I like fun stuff, but not when I feel it may put me in danger. But somehow I had taken leave of my senses yesterday. Garrett really wanted us to have a fun time and either go fishing with him (he bought us licenses, no kidding!) or ride quads. Well he and Rob rode quads in the early afternoon and he was on my case to join them. I didn’t want to because I was a bit afraid that there would be many other people on the trails (I forgot that it was Sunday night and everyone had probably already gone home) and I didn’t want to put myself in danger.

We rode for over 2 hours. Me with a sick stomach before we even set out! The guys let me take the lead after a while and I don’t remember ever having had so much fun in my life! I was able to ride the huge Polaris one that feels practically like you’re riding in a car. I pushed the speed sometimes, so that later I could tell my brother (who loves to ride quads) that I was going over 50 at one point on the road. Rob and Garrett laughed when I told them that and said that the speedometer must be malfunctioning because I had gone over 50 at points ON THE TRAIL!!!!

All in all, this was lots of fun. I stopped riding so fast last evening when a deer ran out in front of me. I was alright, just  a bit startled.

We’re heading home in a few hours. I can’t wait to be there and see my puppies. L, I can live without but we found out why he never unpacked. Because his Case worker had promised that he would be livng alone as of June 1. And we all know what the date is today, so no wonder he’s a bit mad.

Anyhoo….

Now we’re in the car. In fact, we have been in the car for about 4 hours now, and it only takes about three hours’ travel time if you go the right way.  But this is Rob and me we’re talking about and we just can’t do anything the simple way. No, we must take the scenic route, along the coast of Lake Huron. In the rain. The lake black as midnight with roaring waves. How do we know the waves were roaring? It is because we attempted to walk along the beach, yes even in the rain. J We were looking along that whole section of coastline for a place my grandparents stayed every summer when I was a child. I think the last time I went there, even for the day, I was about 8 or 9. I hadn’t even been on that road since I was 17 years old. And here I am at age 36, trying to remember the party store on the one side and the cabin on the other side. Heheheh

We stopped at A&W drive in and had burgers, rootbeers  and a KIT KAT flurry. It was sooo good. Oh great. I just looked up from that last sentence to see Rob passing by the last rest area for 30 miles. Oh well. I think I shall live.

All the Blessings

All the blessings I can think of are right here, right now:

1. Mindy came today to help pack up and move out. It was good to see her and talk with her. My sweet Mindy Lou Who.
2. Rob is amazing. I already knew that, but reading through our letters from High School and after, I see that he always WAS amazing.
3. God is smart. Oh yeah. He’s lined this all up since before the Universe began. He knew that decisions which were made many years ago would come to fruition here and now.
4. My parents are the most wonderful people alive. How come I never appreciated them like this before? Was I too busy hating them for raising me right?
5. Half the kitchen, the office, and our bedroom and we’re all done.
6. They’ve hired us MOVERS!!!!!!! So we don’t have to do all the heavy lifting, thank you Jesus!
7. My dogs are clean and sweet-smelling.
8. The skunky smell is not from my home or anything in it! Thank you Jesus!
9. I might be able to be employed from home. Keep praying about it.
10. Stormy called the other day and didn’t leave a message. The point is, she called.
11. The new house is going to be absolutely wonderful. I adore the kitchen and once I put my spin on everything, it’s going to be so perfectly me. Even though there are 200 houses in the neighborhood that look exactly like mine from the outside.
12. Reconnecting with an old friend (emphasis on OLD) over American Idol.
13. Chocolate Ice Cream. YEAHHHHHH!
14. Rob again.
15. Sleep, which I am about to get.
16. My new cell phone, from Rob. Rumor by LG. I like qwerty keys!!!!

That’s all I can think of, besides the obvious Jesus died for me-type blessings. For which I will never be worthy, but always be thankful.

Goodnight. Please still pray for us, and for the doggies to adjust. And the kitties.

En Route

Rob and I (and the dogs!) spent the night at The Parsonage on Saturday. We had a marathon church day yesterday (8:30AM until 9:30 PM with only a 3 hour break in there!!!!! Oh how I love Lent…. hmm)

It was bitter cold, and my doggy refuses to do his duty. So we walked and walked and walked and walked and walked through every block in our neighborhood almost. Oh it was 18 degrees F, but the windchill was unbearable. It must have been sub-zero. At least. Because I’m STILL freezing from that last walk. My skin hurts.

Anyway, we’re moving this Saturday, upcoming. And I have no idea how it will all come together. The moving isn’t the bad part, it’s the finding homes for things. How on EARTH did I manage to put all this crap in my current house?

So… deep breaths. And also a decision to possibly  change Counties as far as fostering (since we ourselves are changing counties).

That’s all for now. I’m whipped and I need to go to work. Only 8 more days until my vacation.

Merry Christmas 2008

Every single thing is changing. Nothing is left out. But the Lord is still on His throne. He will provide. He alone is my strength and salvation. Praise to His name. Amen.

Is This What I Signed Up For?

Appointments. Appointments. Appointments. Appointments.

Seriously folks, I am drowning in calendar boxes completely full. Stormy has a lawyer appointment tonight, then wants to go shopping for a Halloween Costume. Tomorrow, I rescheduled her psychologist appointment so it doesn’t conflict with my nail appointment (I mean, one MUST have priorities!) so Stormy’s phych appt is on Thursday now, mid-day.

Friday I go back to work. OK I did do something worthwhile yesterday, besides driving Stormy to school, getting a load of straw at my folks’ house, coming home, driving back to my folks’ for more straw,  driving back here, then taking my dad’s truck back and driving back here, then picking Stormy up from school and driving back here, then going to Bible Study and driving back here.

Yeah, I love my car, but yesterday I was in hate with it. I just felt trapped because EVERYWHERE I WENT required a 30 minute car-trip.

Oh the joys of motherhood. And arguing over radio stations. Blehhhhh.

Love Is All Around

Tonight we watched Love, Actually. It was sweet, but I don’t believe I’d watch it again. I was glad when Stormy left the room because, HELLO, embarassing. We never have rated R movies in this house, so I wonder how this one filtered through the Netflix Queue. Hmm.

It was a great day today. Stormy had a half-day of school. I dropped her off, then headed to my parents’ to hang out and ran an errand, then picked Stormy back up. It was hardly worth the effort… but she is sweet. I even got to meet two of her friends today. She said they wanted to meet me. It was quite sweet.

Tomorrow EARLY is her orthodontist appointment. Then I take her to school, go hang with my mom and dad, and pick her up, grab lunch and go to work until 8PM. It’s quite a full day, really. *sigh*

And yet, it’s worth it to me, because Stormy is so interested in learning piano. So every few days I am giving her another lesson from the beginner book that I learned on. She worked for 90 minutes tonight, trying to memorize the melody of “Ode to Joy.” She was so frustrated when we broke for dinner, and then thrilled when she got it afterward. She squealed with delight, and when I said, “You should be so proud of yourself,” she danced around and squeaked out, “I am!”

So we know that Stormy is not completely beaten down by her awful childhood. And we know that she’s picky because the brownies we made tonight are “not sweet enough” meaning that we made them from scratch with butter and sugar and cocoa powder and not some dumb mix that undoubtedly has high fructose corn syrup in it, and we know that Stormy has many of the same beliefs and respect for human and animal life that Rob and I do.

But it still feels like she’s holding out. Because I know that at age 15, if my dad took the family out to a celebration dinner after I was taken from the home, there would be some serious anger issues, and trust issues, and possibly attachment issues for a very long time afterward.

It’s still going well and I don’t want to seem ungrateful. But Rob and I are keeping our eyes open because we’re not stupid and this “honeymoon” phase cannot last forever.

Thanks for your continued prayers. I love you folks. Even if you lurk.

Whom Shall I Fear?

At the end of “Who Am I” by Casting Crowns, is the lyric:

Whom shall I fear, whom shall I fear? Cuz I am yours. I am yours.

Here’s the video to play whilst reading this message, written especially for my darling sister, Dotty.

I used to be very afraid, all of the time. Not just a little afraid, but A LOT afraid. Unless I was in complete control, I was on the verge of a meltdown. Praise God I have been delivered from that kind of fear.

This song, “Who Am I” as well as “Voice of Truth” both by Casting Crowns came into my life as just the right time. About a week before we went on vacation one year, my neighbor Tammy handed over a CD she’d made for our travels. I can remember quite vividly driving through the snowy, icy mountain roads, freaking out, and listening to these two songs over and over. That was the very last time that complete panic overwhelmed me. It was the first time I felt like I had been completely delivered because I didn’t go down and stay down. Praise God for delivering me!

My point in writing this is that I shall fear noone and nothing! Just look at the words of Psalm 27:

 1 The LORD is my light and my salvation—
       whom shall I fear?
       The LORD is the stronghold of my life—
       of whom shall I be afraid?

 2 When evil men advance against me
       to devour my flesh, 
       when my enemies and my foes attack me,
       they will stumble and fall.

 3 Though an army besiege me,
       my heart will not fear;
       though war break out against me,
       even then will I be confident.

Praise be to the Father, Son and Holy Spirit for delivering me from my own personal hell of panic attacks. Why do I go on so about this? If you’d had them, you would know why I rejoice! But the subject today isn’t about me, it’s about my sister-fair.

Dotty is taking a trip next weekend. Rob and my parents and I are taking the same trip! We will be in the same city for an entire day and I am thrilled. I am going to meet the man who may be my sister’s husband before the next year comes and goes!

Dotty had an awful feeling in her gut that something terrible would happen at home while she is away. She was filled with fear when she called me tonight. I was driving home from Trina and The Brain’s house (totally the best friends, EVER! Even “boring” times are great fun!) and she called to tell me every little thing. One thing kept ringing in my brain: The evil one wants Dotty to be AFRAID of this meeting. He knows that Dotty’s Lamar and our whole family are going to get along wonderfully and it makes him angry, so he’s being a jerk, like always, and making trouble where there should be none.

 5 For in the day of trouble
       he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
       he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle
       and set me high upon a rock.

 6 Then my head will be exalted
       above the enemies who surround me;
       at his tabernacle will I sacrifice with shouts of joy;
       I will sing and make music to the LORD.

I still sing and make music to the Lord because He freed me from my prison of fear. My earnest prayer is the Dotty will ask the Lord to stand up with her and fight this fear head-on. Rob and I are praying tonight and will continue to pray until it’s all said and done. You can count on us, darling sister o’ mine.

13 I am still confident of this:
       I will see the goodness of the LORD
       in the land of the living.

 14 Wait for the LORD;
       be strong and take heart
       and wait for the LORD.

Be strong, Dotty-fair. Take heart and wait for the Lord. Oh sissy! It’s so hard sometimes to wait on Him. It’s hard to know if you’re doing the right thing. Remember that the theif (the enemy) comes to steal, kill and destroy. The enemy doesn’t care if you’re happy or sad, and he surely doesn’t want you talking to God about any of it.

Whenever you are afraid, pray to the Lord. And then get angry, directing your anger toward that fear. The Lord did not give us a spirit of fear.

2 Timothy 1:7 (Amplified Bible)

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control.

That means that FEAR comes from the evil one and not from God. Every good and perfect gift comes from God. Check this out:

James 1:17 (The Message)

 16-18So, my very dear friends, don’t get thrown off course. Every desirable and beneficial gift comes out of heaven. The gifts are rivers of light cascading down from the Father of Light. There is nothing deceitful in God, nothing two-faced, nothing fickle. He brought us to life using the true Word, showing us off as the crown of all his creatures.

Dotty, GOD is in control of our lives. We need to follow after Him wholeheartedly. Do what He tells you to, but do NOT be paralyzed with fear of something over which you have no control. I love you, sweet sister. Call me tomorrow after lunch.

**hugs**

Leaving on a Jet Plane

… and I’ll be back on Thursday Night.

I’ve run the gamut of emotions today, and now I’m just resting in uneasy excitement. This is a tremendous honor to be chosen to run this department, and to represent out company in Minneapolis. Plus, I love playing around with pictures.

NW flight #3785 is leaving from Flint at 7:45 EST tonight and gets into Minneapolis at 8:25 CST.

Now I’m gonna have a girl scout cookie and watch some SNL and laugh.

Thanks to everyone for your prayers. **hugs**

Jayleigh

Pondering

If The Award went to me, Jayleigh, my speech would be as follows:

First and foremost, all Glory is God’s. You see nothing likeable in me that comes from me… I was blessed by the Father. The light in my eyes is the love of Jesus shining through. I am in His hands at all times and so long as I remember that, I am never afraid. In Jesus I can tell the mountain, “Move!” and it will move.

I thank my husband Rob, who’s stuck by me through thick and thin. It was only a few years ago that our marriage was in shambles and look at us now! We’re more in love than ever we communicate more than ever, we spend more time together than ever and it’s not a dependent relationship. I don’t love Rob because I need him or he needs me. I love him because he inspires me and he’s funny and articulate and has a funky sense of humor. Rob is solid as a rock and we complete each other. I love you, my sweet Darling.

My sister Dotty, I thank because she knows every last lovin’ thing about me and still she loves me. Dotty is her own person, and such a free thinker. She is artistic in a way I can barely fathom, and still she sometimes copies me and wears top-siders with white socks, jeans, and a white sweater. (Really, I’m sickening beyond words!) Dotty has gone through hell and back in the last several years and she’s stronger than ever. I admire her intelligence and I know she will be such a wonderful wife and mom to MisterWunderful’s kids. And thanks to MisterWunderful for making my sis happy again!

• Thank you for being a friend. Traveled down the road and back again. Your heart is true, you’re a pal and a confidante. And if you threw a party, invited everyone you knew. You would see the biggest gift would be from me and the card attached would say, “Thank you for being a friend.”

Mindy, my niece I thank because even if I don’t ever have my own children, she’s taught me a few very valuable things about parenting. First, pick your battles. Second, don’t say “I’ll never let MY kids…….” Mindy is Mindy, without fear or apology. Lord knows without apology. But I admire her for it. When we were teenagers, my mom and Dotty hated each other, but I think in reality my mom looked up to Dotty for being somethingshe never had the guts to be: herself, and without apologizing for it.

I love you Mindy. Even if we sometimes don’t get along, that doesn’t mean I don’t love you. I would live and die for you… whatever it took to make things wonderful in your life. Unfortunately, I am not your mom and I don’t make the decisions which affect you. You know what is truth and what is lie. You know your heart and even if you think it’s me who wrecked everything, I think you know the truth. I love you so much and you are the child of my heart. You’ll always be my daughter.

Thanks to my mom for always being there and for loving me even when I didn’t deserve it. I know we fought so much when I was in middle school and high school, but that’s all done now. You know how sorry I am because in going through it with Mindy, I’ve learned about a love that I never knew was possible. You are such a rock, and yet so tender and if I should end up being as strong a woman as you, the world, and our family should be so lucky. My favorite memories are when we could find common ground in looking through books and magazines to find decorating schemes for the house. You were always the coolest mom in that regard. I love you!

Thanks to my Dad, because he’s so wonderful. He has such a wit about him and I feel so bad that he’s had to be on so much medication for my whole life. But the epilepsy has never beaten him down. He’s still the strongest man I’ve ever known. I used to sing that country song, “Daddy’s Hands” with Dotty while walking down The Lane (to the back of our 80 acre farm). Daddy’s hands were soft and kind when I was crying. Daddy’s hands were hard as steel when I’d done wrong. Daddy’s hands weren’t always gentle but I’ve come to understand there was always love in Daddy’s hands.

Thanks to my brother James. I looked up to you so much when we were growing up. I always wanted to be just like you and then it seemed like you and Dotty always got along better. You and mom fought so much when we were teenagers and I was so close to mom. I think you began to resent me or at the very least disregard me as someone who, I’m sorry to admit it’s true, was a tattle-tale. Anyway, I love you with all my heart and I’m so proud of the man you’ve become. You’re a wonderful Daddy and you work so hard to provide for your family. You are so intelligent and I’ve always been proud to tell people that you’re my brother. I love you.

Thanks to The Man from Tennessee for helping me as best you could to get out of a bad situation. You’re an amazing writer. You are witty and even pompus, and still I love you. Look for Jesus, Man from TN. Your life will be complete and you will know true joy if you just open your life to Him and stop screaming and flailing about saying that you’ll never find love. Noone knows LOVE until they know Jesus. You knew me “before”. You know I was a tortured soul. In a funny way, you’ve contributed more to my spiritual growth than anyone because when I was being pulled out of the Pit, I tried bringing you along, too. But you told me it was a load of crap, so I tried to show you His love. I learned more about Jesus because I wanted to teach YOU. Anyway, I love you, and I’ll always love you and pray for you to find Him before it’s too late.

Wow that was a long and somewhat of a downer for an acceptance speech. But it’s my blog. And you can just not read it.

Actually, about half way through, I started thinking of the time Dotty was on an jet recently and they told everyone to prepare for a crash landing. Dotty got out a piece of paper and wrote loving thoughts to everyone close to her. I guess this is my way of doing that beforehand so I can just concentrate on having a lovely, UNEVENTFUL flight.

God is with me always, but right now especially so, guarding my heart and mind in Christ Jesus. I praise Him infinitely. I’m so scared but I know He always prevails.

Chocolate Chimi and Rob

I had to take a picture of this, because I wanted to ALWAYS remember it.

We were in Cross Lanes, West Virginia (just north of Charleston, WV), a place we often stay when traveling to/from South Carolina. It’s about an hour past the mountains and there are lots of cool places to eat and shop and we love the Comfort Inn there. Awesome breakfast and hot tub and exercise room, internet connections, refrigerator in every room. Very clean. Scenic overlook of the little valley.

This time on the way home from Rob’s sister’s place, we went to a restaurant called BMW Grill. I thought it was a car dealership because of the way the sign looked and all the nice cars out front. Rob set me straight, though, because there were no BMW’s parked there. hehehe
So the picture is of Rob, who posed with the confection that was our dessert. It was called a “Chocolate Chimi” and contained the following:

A regular Hershey Bar and some whipped cream wrapped in a tortilla shell and deep fried until the bar is gooey and the shell is golden. Garnish with scoops of vanilla ice cream and chocolate sauce and more whipped cream.

Pretty much, after you’ve eaten this, you need to run 15 miles. We only ran 5 on the treadmill, and THAT was only because we felt so guilty after eating nachos with bbq pork on top. And tacos.

My Rob with the most amazing dessert I’ve ever eaten.

Ken and Rob

Ken, our brother, who is older than dirt. along with MY SUPERMAN, resting after their gluttony at The Golden Coral.

Ken is Rob’s brother-in-law. For the past 17 years that I have known him, I’ve sung the “Daniel” song by Elton John, only obviously I change the lyrics. He has 3 brothers and no sisters and I’ve told him since the beginning that I’m the bratty little sis. He loves it.

I might have some paper pics of Lynne and the kids still in my camera… but I want to not develop the camera until my developing equipment comes into the store. I cannot wait to start my new job.

I CAN wait to fly to Minneapolis, though. Fear of the unknown, fear of panic attacks have gripped me for two days now, since I’ve known when my flight leaving. Net is coming with me, though, and not Kitty, so that should be a huge help to my sanity.

Our Pastor, R, was a pilot in the military for MANY years before becoming a college Engineering professor at Michigan Tech. and ultimately our pastor. I am beginning an intensive counseling session with him tomorrow after working at the food bank, because I trust him completely and I will actually believe whatever he tells me about flying. So the fear of the unknown will go away.

I was hardly able to even eat today, though, because I was just so sick over this flying crap. If I had the opportunity to just go right now, that’d be awesome. Go and get it over with and then I can relax and have a great time with Net and not being at work for nearly a whole week getting training on using the photo equipment.

The blessings outweigh the curses and that’s why I’m going. Because if I get over my fear, then Rob my love can surprise me with a trip to Paris… or Hawaii. And I can go see Dotty when she moves to California. I can go anywhere, Alaska, Prince Edward Island, Ireland, France. There is no limit.

God’s grace is washing over me and I’m gonna enjoy the first completely NON-FEAR minute of today.

Serenity

I took this photo at a rest stop somewhere in the mountains in Virginia. It was near Bluefield, I think. I really liked the raindrops. The sad part, though, is the fact that you cannot see the mountain behind it because of the fog. The whole trip down was like that. Oh well, we saw the mountains on the way home!

Hot Bologna…. YUCK

This was in Hurricane, West Virginia. Makes me really grossed out, thinking about that. Rob likes Hot Bologna, though.

The Gas Cap? Sheeeeesh!

Ohmigosh. What a relief!! The Guy came out to the car and hooked a little machine up to something on the driver’s side underneath the dashboard. The machine made some little beepy noises and the guy looked at Rob and said, “Check the gas cap.”

Rob: The GAS cap?

Guy: Yeah. Check it.

Rob: Seriously?

Me: Really?

Guy: It’s leaking some air. They’re about $7 or $8 but it won’t hurt anything to wait until you get back home.

Me: Really? Cuz I was freaking out about the light. So was Rob.

Guy: Yeah, you’re all set. Have a good trip home.

——————–
—Elapsed Time—
——————–

So now we’re back in the car and we had a quick lunch at Wendy’s (you know, the favorite place!) and it’s 11:33 AM and we’re just about 40 minutes south of Columbus and we’ve had none of the nasty ice and snow that was predicted.

In case I have not said it enough recently, Rob is amazing and he spoils the living daylights outta me. I have never deserved this man, and somehow he thinks HE needs me. God must be gracious, or how else would I be married to the best man I’ve ever met?