Wayne’s Cell Phone

Last night was crazy and great. My little kids from church all moved to Ohio today (about two hours away) and we had a farewell party for them, followed by a teen lock-in where the kids ended up sleeping in my living room.

After a movie, I took my little kids home for the last time and cried all the way back to my house.

Tomorrow is the first day since March that I am not picking these guys up for church. How did I not realize how attached I am to them? What am I ever going to do without their innocent, beautiful, sassy, energetic, witty, gracious selves?

 

You know when I was a teenager, I had to have everything all matching. We weren’t well-to-do, so when my parents agreed to let me get some things to spruce up my room, well, the bedskirt matched the drapes, matched the comforter and blankets and sheets, etc. etc.  When I was a teenager, I would not have thought that these children who have had lice and who sometimes smell like cat pee, and have dirt under their fingernails and who live in a crummy house in a crummy neighborhood were worth getting worked up over.

 

And now that I am grown, I have put childish ways behind me. Because in the smiling faces of these ones, is where my heart lies. And they’re gone, but the Lord has done such a work in me through them, that I can’t ever go back to being the way I was  before I knew them.

 

For their party, we ate pizza and drank pop, played Clue (I won! Without cheating. Seriously.), and musical chairs (I won also. What kind of crummy adult I am to win at the kids’ games!), and then watched the movie Bolt on the big screens in the sanctuary. And then Rob took this pic of me with my kids. I shall miss them so.

 

And as I mentioned, the teens (5 of them) ended up sleeping at my house. Wayne is a… I imagine about 16-year-old… boy who annoyed the living daylights out of me last night and less so this morning. I realized this morning that he just needs attention and is desperately seeking to fit in.

 

A pet peeve of mine is people who WILL NOT stay off their cell phones for any reason. I find it incomprehensibly rude to be in a group of people when one or more won’t stop texting long enough to understand what is even being said in conversation around them. Wayne was one of these last evening and … GRRRR … let’s just say it helped along my less-than-stellar opinion of him last night.

So the kids and Rob went to the men’s breakfast this morning. I watched TV, practiced piano, etc., and notice Wayne’s cell phone on the TV stand. I was going to call Rob from it, and tell him to please drive back by and get the phone before driving Wayne home. And then I started giggling, and then I got tears in my eyes.

The cell phone has no service, as though it’s his mom’s old phone or something… and he was carrying it just to fit in.

Rob and I were talking tonight about Wayne’s phone and how it makes us somehow like him better that it was all an act.

Mindy’s Open House

Mindy and her Cake, made by my Mom!

The party went well. Rob and I are exhausted. L spent the weekend with his former foster family. I also, for some reason, painted the bathroom over the weekend. Am I a nut, or what?

VACATION!!!!! YEAH!

Just got home last night. I wrote this yesterday.

 

The best thing I can think of about this vacation is actually more than one thing.

The food. Garrett has cooked for us nonstop since we arrived. He’s not gourmet, but man is he ever close. WOW! Melon and chocolate the first night. Eggs, ham, cheese and potato hash yesterday morning. BBQ grilled chicken for lunch with dried cherries (of which I ate way way way too many and ended up with a sick tummy for the rest of the day), grilled ENORMOUS steaks last night, with asparagus and baked potato.

The atmosphere. This is a log cabin. I LOVE IT. And it’s In the middle of the woods. Again, I LOVE IT. I have not seen another house in the time we’ve been here, and believe me, we have looked. No road noise of any sort; just birds chirping their long, low, melancholy songs, and rain on the metal roof of the barn.

Reconnecting with God. I knew when we decided to come here that it was a retreat for my soul as well as my body. Garrett had confided in me a while back that their previous pastor had taken her vacations here and spent much time alone and studying. After breakfast yesterday, for about 4 hours, I sat on the porch swing and wrote in my leather journal that my family had given me. I wrote about mundane things such as what’s going on this week in my life, and also about two recent deaths that have impacted us greatly (one because it means Rob has to do a funeral, and we’re going home a day early from this glorious retreat because of it, and the other because she was my boss at my very first job at the Bridal Shop, and also a very close family friend). I wrote of a series of books I am reading by author Jeanette Oke, which are similar to the Little House on the Prairie books, in that they are set In the same time period and they are very strongly Christian books.  I share their exact same theology, and it’s one which is welcoming and loving. I love when our Savior’s love is proclaimed so, I guess, lovingly.

Also, when I had written my heart out for a while, I sat there and listened to God’s creation. I also read Psalms and prayed for a long while. I cried and cried because Rob had read Psalm 139 to me earlier in the morning, but now it was as though the Lord was telling my heart, “Jayleigh, even though you know that I know your heart and tell me that we’ll talk later, we never do. Understand that you need to take the time away from life to tell me your heart. That is for YOU, because I do know your heart without you telling me.” He knows my lying down and my rising up. If I make my bed in Sheol, He is there. The darkness of night is as light to Him.

It was one of the most moving moments of my entire life. I sat there under blankets (it was only 50 degrees) for FOUR glorious hours, communing with God and with His creation. My final prayers were that I would be filled “for the long haul” and remember to come to Him in prayer OFTEN, and not just when I was at my wits’ end. And also, that Stormy (fc 1) will be moved by the Lord to accept His true love and His healing into her life. (She wrote an email the day we left for vacation, cussing us out for WHO KNOWS WHY, calling us both some horrid names, swearing, and misusing the Lord’s name. I choose not to respond to her in writing, but in earnest prayer.

Riding Quads. You KNOW I am not really an adrenaline seeker. I like fun stuff, but not when I feel it may put me in danger. But somehow I had taken leave of my senses yesterday. Garrett really wanted us to have a fun time and either go fishing with him (he bought us licenses, no kidding!) or ride quads. Well he and Rob rode quads in the early afternoon and he was on my case to join them. I didn’t want to because I was a bit afraid that there would be many other people on the trails (I forgot that it was Sunday night and everyone had probably already gone home) and I didn’t want to put myself in danger.

We rode for over 2 hours. Me with a sick stomach before we even set out! The guys let me take the lead after a while and I don’t remember ever having had so much fun in my life! I was able to ride the huge Polaris one that feels practically like you’re riding in a car. I pushed the speed sometimes, so that later I could tell my brother (who loves to ride quads) that I was going over 50 at one point on the road. Rob and Garrett laughed when I told them that and said that the speedometer must be malfunctioning because I had gone over 50 at points ON THE TRAIL!!!!

All in all, this was lots of fun. I stopped riding so fast last evening when a deer ran out in front of me. I was alright, just  a bit startled.

We’re heading home in a few hours. I can’t wait to be there and see my puppies. L, I can live without but we found out why he never unpacked. Because his Case worker had promised that he would be livng alone as of June 1. And we all know what the date is today, so no wonder he’s a bit mad.

Anyhoo….

Now we’re in the car. In fact, we have been in the car for about 4 hours now, and it only takes about three hours’ travel time if you go the right way.  But this is Rob and me we’re talking about and we just can’t do anything the simple way. No, we must take the scenic route, along the coast of Lake Huron. In the rain. The lake black as midnight with roaring waves. How do we know the waves were roaring? It is because we attempted to walk along the beach, yes even in the rain. J We were looking along that whole section of coastline for a place my grandparents stayed every summer when I was a child. I think the last time I went there, even for the day, I was about 8 or 9. I hadn’t even been on that road since I was 17 years old. And here I am at age 36, trying to remember the party store on the one side and the cabin on the other side. Heheheh

We stopped at A&W drive in and had burgers, rootbeers  and a KIT KAT flurry. It was sooo good. Oh great. I just looked up from that last sentence to see Rob passing by the last rest area for 30 miles. Oh well. I think I shall live.

Mindy Graduating Today

For the longest time, I never believed I would be typing that headline, “Mindy Graduating Today.” Sure I have faith that God can do amazing things. I HAVE PROOF of that, just look at my last post! But with my dear niece, I just was never sure.

• Mindy and her boyfriend “live together” if you can call it that. They are homeless BY CHOICE because neither has a job to support themselves, and the wanted to “be together”. Each has a home to go home to, or about 10 places to stay WITHOUT the other, but they will not relent. And neither with their families.
• Two nights ago, Mindy’s entire household was carbon monoxide poisoned. Mindy spent the greater share of yesterday in the hospital getting IV fluids with some sort of meds, as well as vomiting from her upset stomach.
• “This is my family. It’s little and broken, but still good.” My good friend Liza has recently been telling me this about her family, and I realize it’s true about my own. — It’s a quote from Lilo and Stitch.

So those are the Mindy things on my mind. Now for the Luca things:

• Luca is 17, and will be 18 in August. He was trying to move back with a former foster home and we were more than happy to let him.
• Apparently he won’t be moving back in with the other foster home. They accepted another kid, and he’s devastated. Not that he will tell us about it. But he did talk a little more than normal last night.
• I can only stand just “this much” of watching his shows and listening to his music. He never leaves the living room, which is why I haven’t practiced piano all week long, and I have a lesson this morning. BLEH!
• Luca had Strawberry Shortcake for the very first time last night.
• Luca will not tell me what kinds of hair things he needs, so he’s got all kinds of fuzzy, squirrely hair. (Black hair) He is unhappy, but when I quiz him, all he does is look at me for a moment, then back to the TV. I’m wondering if I should just go to the Beauty Supply store and ask them what to do for him and just get the things, or what.

I’m frustrated. I’m disappointed. I’m putting in my time “eating my vegetables” as Rob and I call it. We felt called by God to have Luca in our home. And yet the three of us are miserable. I just don’t know.

The one saving grace is that Luca is close with a former foster family (not the one I mentioned a moment ago) and goes to see them several times per week. I was bummed that we have to keep driving him there, but it’s better than driving him to DHS from our former county. FIVE ROUND TRIPS to Luca’s family is less mileage than one round trip to DHS. Whoa.

OK so that’s what’s up with me. What’s up with you?

Blown Completely Away

Rob wrote this to me while he was away this weekend. I was blown away and I want to be a better wife because of the same reasons.

Saturday, May 16, 2009 3:20 PM

Dearest Jay,

I am reminded, as I have been apart from you for some 77 hours, that I can be fine when I am away from you, but I cannot be great or good.

I am sorry for the times that I have been:

· Slow to respond to your requests for my attention
· Slow to respond to requests for my action or assistance
· Too tired to spend time awake and interactive with you
· Too absorbed in the work of ministry to give you the attention that you deserve
· Too absorbed with the Internet things or television programs that I like to watch or do to give you the attention that you deserve

God has called me into this work of ministry in the local church and I cannot resist that call for fear of it burning in my bones. God has put his people in my heart and I cannot stop praying for them, teaching them, ministering with them, preaching to them, or caring from them, but that calling does not nor should it supersede the covenant relationship that I have with you in our marriage. The marriage that I must remind myself that God has helped us to rebuild into something strong and beautiful after the cares and temptations of the world had made it into something dirty and immoral and broken to pieces.

I wish to reaffirm with my words and my actions, my love and my caring for you. I wish to rededicate myself to giving you food from my heart rather than the crumbs that fall from the table.

I have a strong will, a strong mind, and a strong soul, but you are my heart and my passion. I can be fine without you, but I cannot be great or good without you.

Will you continue to be my bride and my wife, my partner and my helpmate?
Will you continue to be my friend, compatriot, and cohort?
Will you continue to be my confidant and lover?

This scripture from Ephesians 5:22-30 was laid on my heart and my mind this afternoon:

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, in order to make her holy by cleansing her with the washing of water by the word, so as to present the church to himself in splendor, without a spot or a wrinkle or anything of the kind – yes, so that she may be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as they do their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hates his own body, but nourishes it and tenderly cares for it, just as Christ does for the church, because we are members of his body.

You are a member of my body, no less than my good left arm is a part of my body. I am crying real tears as I type this because I feel convicted that I have not loved, and nourished and cared for you, as I should have since we have made the transition to the Big City for service in full time ministry.

I wish to celebrate our life together in the Big City, in ministry, as pastor and laywoman, and more importantly as husband and wife, TOGETHER. Not struggling through the challenges that we face as separate rulers of our own domains, but as partners in love and in Christ.

I feel responsible, that you would not have to be so strong and so hard in your words and actions, if I nurtured, and cherished, washed and nourished your whole being and truly treated you as my own body.

In my eyes and in my heart you truly are beautiful and glorious, pure and splendid without blemish, wrinkle, or spot.

Please forgive me for my shortcomings and shortfalls as your husband.
After 16 plus years of marriage, thank you for being my lovely bride and my loving wife.

With all of the love in my heart, the cup that God fills to overflowing,
Rob

The Prodigal Pup

OK so Rob was supposed to leave at 7 this morning for a Pastor’s Conference about 2 hours away. Here it is, nearly 10 AM and he’s still not gone. WHY?

Because of this:

The Prodigal Pup

We are thanking God this morning that Tutanka was found only 45 minutes after he left home — with his hobo stick. He was nearly a mile away, and had probably relieved himself on every.single.blade. of grass between here and the closest fast food restaurant.

A dear angel, ANGELA, found him and called us and stood in the middle of the street with him until we came. She called our phone number 4 times–who knows why it only went through on the last time–and we made contact.

She tried to give him a treat and some water, but he was having none of it.

When we got home, ol’ Tonky-boy was as bright eyed and bushy tailed as they come. Rob and I were mad for a minute, and then just downright thankful that someone was kind enough to call us to return the Prodigal Pup.

So Many Ways….

This is my new theme song… Time In Between, by Francesca Battistelli.

Clicky the link, and listen. It’s beautiful. The second verse says

Don’t take much for this crazy world
To rob me of my peace
And the enemy of my soul
Says You’re holding out on me
So I stand here lifting empty hands
For you to fill me up again

The first time I heard that song, I fell down against  the wall and cried my eyes out of my head. I kept thinking, “How does this person know that I keep feeling like I’ve been abandoned, or that God is holding out on me?”

I wonder why it is that I am having a resurgence of BABY FEVER after years of being mostly OK with it all. Niece Mindy being just days away from graduation, and having gone to Prom last weekend doesn’t help. I always, always knew that we’d have her graduated before we ever got a child of our own.

Upon reflection, I haven’t been blogging lately because I alternate between being a major downer, and being PLEASED AS PUNCH that I am in this Big City, in this neighborhood, in this church. I can’t believe I was so afraid of being here. I LOVE IT.

And yet I haven’t once gone to the store alone. Except for the day we moved. The stores are so huge here. Really, really huge. I don’t know. I guess we’re a bit spoiled because we live so close that we can go WHILE dinner’s being fixed.

I am a bit ambivalent about things. I HATED yardwork at our old home. I love this bit of postage-stamp sized lawn that Rob mows on a whim, in 20 minutes. I want to be rid of our old home. They are smokers and blehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! P. U.

So the bridge of the aforementioned song is

So many ways
Your love has saved the day
And I’m grateful for them all

It’s so true. God is my ever-single-thing. I love Him so. And without Him, I would be nothing. So on my way to work this morning, I prayed a little differently than normal. I said that I know, because He promised, that I will have a son. I don’t know how or where or when this will all happen, just that I AM POSITIVE that it will happen. BECAUSE HE SAID SO. That’s all I’ve got to go on, but He’s never lied or let me down and will not.

So when the enemy of my soul says God is holding out on me, I know that it’s a lie, and that my family will be here very soon.

I’m Still Standing

Even now, I am still standing. Things are in a holding pattern. No time to breathe.

What I Want

The Lord promises in Psalm 113:9 that he will settle the barren woman in her home as the happy mother of children.

I am claiming that promise in the name of Jesus. Amen.

1. I want to be settled.
2. In my home.
3. As a happy momma.
4. Of CHILDREN. (plural)

Yesterday buoyed my spirit. We played 2 hours of “would you rather”….

To Stormy, I posed:

• Would you rather wear Rob’s clothes to school (button down plaid shirt, khakis, deck shoes, glasses, no hair and make-up done) for the rest of your life,
• Or would you rather have the cutest outfit, the best hair and make-up in the world, drive the sweetest car, and nobody at school would ever talk to you or be friends with you ever again.

And after a grueling 3 minutes of deliberation, she said she’d rather be homely with friends than beautiful on the outside and nobody to share in her life.

It was such a great moment for me. A learning tool for Stormy, Rob and me.

I don’t remember much else of what happened, but we had fun, and Rob made an amazing chicken dinner, and Stormy and I made Chocolate Lava Baby Cakes. And I thought I would die and go to heaven. We each ate one last night, and each ate one tonight after dinner. Yeah. Heaven on earth.

Merry Christmas 2008

Every single thing is changing. Nothing is left out. But the Lord is still on His throne. He will provide. He alone is my strength and salvation. Praise to His name. Amen.

Because I Never Want to Forget

Parenting, like life, is full of ups and downs.

Last Friday, I thought surely it was the end of the world when we had to take Stormy to the ER because of excessive consumption of Rx pills not prescribed to her. And twice since then, I have freaked out and had to tell friends where we were about the situation, because she keeps asking to use their bathrooms… and most people keep prescriptions in theirs.

Tonight at Monday Night Group (which Stormy doesn’t like to attend), she wrote this note and handed it to me:

 

Stormy wrote this and handed it to me during our Monday Night Bible Study tonight.

It’s funny and awesome how the person who causes me so much heartache can also give me so much encouragement.

This was in response to a note which I told her that I would always love her, that she can count on clean laundry, food, personal care items, etc and that she never had to worry about me taking away talking with her mom and such.

Jayleigh’s Ugh-ly Adventure

Where do I begin? How about we’ll do this chronologically, ok?

1. I got up at 6:15, in time to wake Stormy and get ready for work. Stormy dragged her feet, so we were 10 minutes late getting started on icy roads.
2. Work was ok until I remembered that I had to call Planned Parenthood to make an appointment for Mindy for today. Apparently, having sex since the age of 14 didn’t bother Mindy’s mom. No, it was this weekend when she stayed at her boyfriend’s house overnight, alone, that Mindy’s Mom decided to “Mom-Up” and put her foot down about birth control.
3. I called PP and made a 5:30 appointment. Even though it meant sacrificing my Monday Night Bible Study with friends. We eat and talk, you guys! It’s so much fun.
4. After work, I picked up Mindy at her mom’s house. Min was in a terrible mood and was livid when I said I wanted to stop by Bible Study instead of going right home. I told her that she could easily call the dial-a-ride bussing system to get a ride home if she didn’t like my plan. Mindy relented and apoligized for being so snotty.
5. Mindy needed help filling out the paperwork at PP, so she waved me into the building. “Besides,” Mindy said, “the receptionist is being a snot.”
6. Wouldn’t you know it, I walked in and the receptionist is a girl who went out with Rob’s high school best friend while we were in high school. She screamed over the unbelievable din, “Jayyyyyylieeeeeeegh!!!!!! How in heck are ya, girlie!?!” Meanwhile, I died.
7. I helped Mindy with her health history, and very prudently looked away when she wrote down about her sexual history, and if she did or did not do “street drugs.” There are some things Auntie Jayleigh just does not want- or need to know.
8. Mindy went to get birth control, but ended up getting an entire physical. She said afterward, “I feel so violated.” Hmmm. I was thinking there are a lot more disgusting things to do down there… like have unp.rotec.ted s** with a guy, after you got so drunk that you threw up on the side of the road and got tickets for MIP because you’re just 18 and you think you rule the world. (Hmm. Did I just rant there a bit?)
9. Instead of travelling 20 minutes in the opposite direction of home, I decided to take Mindy through a drive-through, so we could eat and then drive home on icy, nasty roads. In the dark. Have I mentioned recently how ticked I am that it’s so dark here all the time? Why can’t I go to New Zealand where it’s sunny this time o’ year?
10. At Mindy’s mom’s house, I waited while she got a huge garbage bag of clothing to take to her new home. She’s moving in with friend Elise and family. Sitting in a room with Mindy’s mom and her bf, and the bf’s son, I nearly died when the following things were said:
11. Hey Jayleigh [she leaned right into my face]. Four days! [Four days what? I am thinking.] WITHOUT DRUGS. [oooOOOooh. That. Really? Wow. Yay. Woo. Hoo.]
12. So yeah, that was my fun. I couldn’t believe this woman who has always said she didn’t do drugs, admitted it to me in front of people.
13. I also couldn’t believe that Mindy asked the bf’s son if he wanted any of the c*n.d*m.s which PP gave her, IN FRONT OF ME. And I can’t believe that he said, “They’re wayyyy too small! So thanks, but no.”
14. So I returned home around 8 PM, bone weary. We watched TV and ate ice cream.  And I’m thinking that if I go to bed right now, that I will get 1 hour more of sleep than last night.

Isn’t life so great!?!??!?!?!?????????????

MySpace Parenting

Stormy had Saturday School (detention) today. We used the 4 hours to finish up Christmas shopping. We’re all done except for getting gift certificates for a month of guitar lessons for Stormy and Mindy. They are psyched about it. I am psyched that the shopping is finished!

I sent the following message this afternoon to Stormy on her myspace after she’d had quite a tiff with her step sister on the phone. Stormy actually cried in front of me, and talked with me, and hugged me. And so I wrote this to her, and her reply was after that.

 

I’m sleepy, but wanted to share.
Love,

Jay

—————– Original Message —————–
From: J
Date: Dec 6, 2008 5:14 PM

Hey Stormy,

Just wanted to say again that I love you. You’re a GREAT kiddo.

And guess what!

I had SO MUCH FUN shopping for you for Christmas. Because I liked exactly the same things when I was your age. And my momma wasn’t as cool and fun as I am with you.

Rob and I love that you’re here. We hurt when you’re sad and I just wanna scream when someone is mean to you.

I just wanted to say that you’re “in” with me. In the family. In my life. On my heart and mind all the time. I pray to God for your safety and happiness all the time. And that things in your life go according to the way He wants them to be.

Anyway.

C’mon Charlie. Let’s go to the magical candy mountain charlie!

Love,

J

 

 

Dec 6, 2008 7:41 PM

RE: hugs

Body:

thanks jayyyyyyyyy..i’m very happy here with u guys and 2 be a part of the family i care a lot 4 u 2 and I couldnt have asked 4 a better place 2 b “placed”

thanks 4 caring, i love you!
Stormy

I’m So In

I wonder how I could have been so discouraged yesterday!

Let me just name out all the blessings from this afternoon:

1. Stormy’s Dad said he would let her have her clothes and things back. There was a real concern that he would not.
2. I have tomorrow off work!
3. Stormy has a half-day of school tomorrow, so I am going to spend the morning with my parents, who live near her school!
4. Stormy let me help blow-dry and scrunch her hair this morning. Also, she was adoring my earrings on her ride to school.
5. The ride to school really only takes 20 minutes, so I figured out that I could get up at 6:30 to take her there, and get home before I need to shower and dress. Except that I loved coming home this morning and having breakfast and watching TV with Rob.
6. When we picked Stormy up from her friend’s house today, Rob was able to meet the mom. And we all had a good talk on the way home. And I narrowly missed (but I MISSED) a mailbox when I was backing out of the friend’s driveway.
7. Stormy is excited about Thursday being her “dinner” night. She gets to pick what we have and make it. So she and Rob went to the grocery store tonight and I came home and got to talk to my mom about Stormy’s storms without listening ears.
8. My Aunt Laurel wants to throw a “Getting to know Stormy Party”. Stormy was THRILLED about it.
9. We found out today that Stormy’s Aunt and Uncle are probably going to have custody of her within a month. After the fun we had tonight, I don’t want her to leave.

See how I run hot and cold? I think yesterday I was just holding out about opening up my life to include her in it. I did a lot of soul searching today, and I realized that I keep making comparisons between Stormy and our niece Mindy. They are quite similar, even look a little bit alike… but Mindy (as some of you mentioned in comments from the last post)… Mindy we have had since she was 6 years old. Mindy knows she can’t watch Family Guy and American Dad at my house. She knows not to even think of Horror movies, or crazy loud songs. Mindy loves Rob and me, and respects us. And we love her.

And THAT is where I kept getting caught. Stormy is not Mindy. Stormy is a gutsy, yet troubled young girl. But she is not our niece who knows us and knows the house rules. Stormy is so lighthearted sometimes, and I wonder how that can be, since she’s been through hell since the age of 9, really. But worse in the last couple of months.

Do you know that the school counselor told us yesterday that in 20 years on the job, Stormy is only the second person that’s said her life at home was so bad that she wanted to move out? It’s very brave of her to say that, and yet I can’t help but wonder if she was just trying to be allowed to move into her friend’s awesomely huge and amazing McMansion.

10. Tonight, I made dinner. Stormy sat at the table with us. It was a lot of fun. She also helped cook and helped put the food away afterward.

11. Stormy made ham roll-ups like her mom used to make for her when she was a small child. They have a sweet pickle in the middle instead of a green onion. Pretty delicious. But I saw beyond the food craving of hers, to nostalgia for her mom that she hasn’t been allowed to talk about or feel for about 6 years, since she was taken away from her mom. I believe that it signifys that she feels safe and …. I guess somewhat happy here, because she was eager to share that with Rob and me.

12. Stormy is an ice-cream fanatic. She is so cute. Rob and I will each get 2 scoops of ice cream, and stormy will have a hugely gigantic bowl full. With chocolate syrup on top. It tickles me.

13. TV. OK. Last night was ugly, because she didn’t want to watch Dancing with the Stars! And she wanted me to watch Horror Movie previews on the Netflix website. But tonight, we found a favorite show together. Ok this is really bad. It’s on MTV, a channel that I nearly V-chipped when Mindy lived here. It’s called Paris Hilton’s My New BFF. I am not ashamed to say that we watched a solid 2 hours of that tonight. It wasn’t, you know, building up to my soul, but at least it wasn’t a Horror Flick. AND. Stormy and I like the same chick on that show. We laughed and laughed. And when 11PM came, she was tired and went off to bed.

14. I finished the Purple Curtains for Stormy’s room. She likes purple and She didn’t like the red toppers I had in there from when we thought we were getting that little boy, Big D a while back. She said, “Jayleigh, this looks like a cowboy.” I told her that was good, because it was my original intention. So the fix? I just got purple bandannas and made a curtain topper from them. It matches the purple carpeting. Woohoo.

My life is wonderful. God is amazing. He showed me today that my driving Stormy to the little town where her school is located can be an act of love, if I let it be. God shows me daily that Stormy is a sweetheart, even if she’s having an attitude problem. But even then, she can’t help come out of her shell with Rob and me.

I would write more, but I am very tired. Thank you all so much for your prayers. I needed them. I still need them, but I know that God won’t let me flop. Rob and I are in this for the long haul. And I am finding beauty in the everyday sameness. And the mundane parental tasks. And the deciding on a House Love (Chore) List together yesterday. And in letting Stormy choose what she does and on which day. And in working along side of her to make sure our house is clean and safe and comfortable. As Noelle so aptly put it (in her comment on the last post), working as a TEAM. And that’s what Rob and I are striving for,

God bless you all!