Wondrous Love

Something happened at work the other day which I didn’t understand until much later. Now I can hardly stop smiling over it all.

Dan comes into my work all the time. He’s nearly 70, gruff, but usually in a good mood and razzes us girls at the front counter. Dan is a tall guy and fairly big, and everyone calls out “Dan Smith!” when he walks into my Work. He is well-liked.

For the longest time when he came in, I thought he didn’t like me, so I didn’t talk with him at all. Finally I realized he just likes to pick on me a little, to see me smile. So now I give as much as I take. When he came in the other day and needed my help, he said he could have had this done at Wal-Mart for half the price. I told him that they weren’t as nice as us at Wal-Mart. He said, “oh this is YOUR version of nice…” and I said, “Well, at least we’re more HELPFUL than Wal-Mart.” Just a bit of good-natured give and take.

Dan went to the back for prescriptions, and talked with some of the girls back there. He came up to me and said, “Jayleigh, you’re a born-again Christian!?” It took me a moment to understand his question. I don’t believe I have ever been asked that at my work, and frankly, I didn’t have the vaguest clue if Dan was a Christian or not so I wasn’t understanding why he was asking. I almost asked him why he wanted to know, but I didn’t care why.

In a clear voice and looking him in the eyes and smiling, I said, “Yes, Dan. I am.” Dan said, “That’s GOOD news, Jayleigh. I am happy to know that.” I told him that I, too, am happy to know it! And I went about my day until a few hours later when I was talking with co-worker Joan.

I told her of the conversation and asked if she had told Dan about my hubby being a pastor. She said that she hadn’t. I talked with some of the girls in the back and nobody said anything to Dan about me at all. So then I began to wonder, and I think I know what happened:

Dan was asking if I was saved, and I believe if I was not saved, he would have witnessed to me. I am still getting goosebumps over this, because Dan showed me the love of Jesus by asking if I knew Him. Dan took a step out in faith and made sure of my eternal destiny.

I am floored, and at the same time ashamed of myself for not doing the same things. Sure I put in my time. I do the work, I build relationships, I am supportive, and I give the glory to God alone. But rarely have I ever had the umph to be so proactive about telling others of My Jesus and His love.

I’ll have to work on that, please help me God.

Mindy’s Open House

Mindy and her Cake, made by my Mom!

The party went well. Rob and I are exhausted. L spent the weekend with his former foster family. I also, for some reason, painted the bathroom over the weekend. Am I a nut, or what?

My Best Pal Joan

For the past 4 days, my best work-friend Joan has not been feeling well. Joan and I are such a pair.We finish each other’s sentences, we make inside jokes constantly, and we generally work very hard and also goof off a bunch.

Today when I got to work, Joan was lamenting her medical bills and said she felt as though she needed to see a doctor, but didn’t want to owe more money. I urged her to call her doctor, and didn’t let up until she called him. She INSISTED on staying at work until it was time to go home, even though another coworker and I practically had tantrums at her, trying to make her leave and go to the doctor’s office.

A little over an hour ago, my boss Kitty called to let me know that Joan has been admitted to the hospital with the top of her heart in arrhythmia. Joan is over 50 and going through menopause and in near-dire financial straights. But Joan is a very strong Christian, without whom I wouldn’t have come back to the Lord when I did. Joan is a very active and strong person, too. And I am so thankful that God urged her to go to the clinic.

I am thanking God for Joan’s friendship.

I am praising Him for giving us prayer as a way to become closer to him, and also to ask for and THANK HIM for the healing he is providing for my dear friend.

I am a little peeved at having to work tomorrow, but it was Joan’s shift and I am thrilled that she is getting the medical care she needs, rather than trying to be a big ol’ brute and just muscle through it all.

God, thank you for placing Joan in my life. I thank you for healing her. Your word says that you hear the prayers of the righteous. I’m not perfect, but I am trying and I love you. What else matters? In Jesus’ name, Amen.

New Home in My Old Hometown

So I was checking out Stormy’s (former foster daughter’s) MySpace today and it says she is moving back to the town that Rob and I just moved from a few months ago. It’s also the town WHERE I WORK.

I have a couple of problems with this, manily that Stormy is a shoplifter and I don’t want her to come into my work and anything to come up missing. So I’ve written a note to my boss outlining the situation and saying that they don’t need to worry about hurting my feelings, because I understand the issues.

*sigh*

And then Mindy is having issues still. I guess the boyfriend Tony came to the Big City to spend the weekend with Mindy and her sister. She asked if we’d let THE TWO OF THEM spend the night over here on Sunday. Rob and I both said NO, because we won’t even let my sis and her boyfriend (who are both over the age of 36) stay here “together” and “as a couple.”

Ewwwwww, anyhow! That is soooo on the list of things I do not need to know ANYTHING about. Mindy is 18 yrs old, but she is still “our girl” and this is still OUR HOME and the parsonage of our church. I believe she should join us in showing a bit of respect to the Lord, her aunt and uncle, and the church.

I am peeved, but I know that my being in this city is a good thing. I have done lots to help people in need and that part is fulfilling. I made a good friend, and she likes me!!!! And it’s nice to get together and talk. I think we’re skipping out on taking The Little Kids to lunch tomorrow and we’ll just go together with her two children.

I dunno, but it was a good day here today, with a few minor setbacks.

Love to you bloggers, both commenters and lurkers.

Lucy in the Sky

Oh sweet Lucy girl.

When last you heard from me, I mentioned about having too many kids to fit in my car, so Rob and I were both going to drive a car-load of kids to church today. That did happen. We brought 8 of the 14 which were there. One of those children is Lucy, age 9, who has a very special place in my heart.

Last Sunday night, Lucy went little-girl-crazy-unreasonable when her cousin Dessie, age 15, wouldn’t play with her, but instead sat with her boyfriend in the movie. I was the one they called out of the movie to calm Lucy down. It took about 15 minutes, but it was alright in the end. The girls hugged and made up.

Today, during first service while I was helping to get breakfast around for the little kids, I walked upstairs for some reason, only to hear a pathetic whiney whaling from the women’s room which could only come from my sweet Lucy. Defeated, I opened the door quietly to survey the situation.

There stood Dessie, trying to talk Lucy out of the bathroom stall. Ugh. And of couse the acoustics in the bathroom amplified the whaling so that Rob could actually hear it through the closed doors of the sanctuary. Over the sounds of  the music, at times.

When I asked, Lucy said she wasn’t actually using the bathroom, so I pulled open the door and tried to get her to talk to me without wailing. Somehow, Dessie and I convinced her to come to the basement and talk. She kept asking to go home, and I said I’d drive her as long as she could tell me what was wrong, and if someone had hurt her or touched her wrong, or whatever. You just never know what is going to be said.

So a thought flashed through my head. Because Dessie is so incredibly patient with Lucy. So I sat the girls down and had them number a page 1-10. I asked them to write down the nicest thing that the other one did the day before, and I had them write down their most favorite memory of the other person, as well as saying 5 reasons why they love the other one, what they want the other one to know, etc.

And then they had to read their answers out loud while facing each other.

I was so moved. And the girls were moved too. They gave the papers to each other, and each girl folded her page and put it in a pocket. And then Lucy came and sat with me during church, (She never does that!) and gave me this:

 

Lucy's note to me today.

 

You know, I didn’t get much of a chance to talk with Lucy after she handed this to me. I am not a psychologist (although I wanted to be one, and took MANY college courses about psychology!) or a counselor, I only did what God put in my head. I am not one who is typically able to resolve conflicts.

But today, God showed me what to do, and there was a happy ending. No more Nuclear Lucy.

All the Blessings

All the blessings I can think of are right here, right now:

1. Mindy came today to help pack up and move out. It was good to see her and talk with her. My sweet Mindy Lou Who.
2. Rob is amazing. I already knew that, but reading through our letters from High School and after, I see that he always WAS amazing.
3. God is smart. Oh yeah. He’s lined this all up since before the Universe began. He knew that decisions which were made many years ago would come to fruition here and now.
4. My parents are the most wonderful people alive. How come I never appreciated them like this before? Was I too busy hating them for raising me right?
5. Half the kitchen, the office, and our bedroom and we’re all done.
6. They’ve hired us MOVERS!!!!!!! So we don’t have to do all the heavy lifting, thank you Jesus!
7. My dogs are clean and sweet-smelling.
8. The skunky smell is not from my home or anything in it! Thank you Jesus!
9. I might be able to be employed from home. Keep praying about it.
10. Stormy called the other day and didn’t leave a message. The point is, she called.
11. The new house is going to be absolutely wonderful. I adore the kitchen and once I put my spin on everything, it’s going to be so perfectly me. Even though there are 200 houses in the neighborhood that look exactly like mine from the outside.
12. Reconnecting with an old friend (emphasis on OLD) over American Idol.
13. Chocolate Ice Cream. YEAHHHHHH!
14. Rob again.
15. Sleep, which I am about to get.
16. My new cell phone, from Rob. Rumor by LG. I like qwerty keys!!!!

That’s all I can think of, besides the obvious Jesus died for me-type blessings. For which I will never be worthy, but always be thankful.

Goodnight. Please still pray for us, and for the doggies to adjust. And the kitties.

Merry Christmas 2008

Every single thing is changing. Nothing is left out. But the Lord is still on His throne. He will provide. He alone is my strength and salvation. Praise to His name. Amen.

Annoyed

I came home sick from work today, after only 5 hours. Had my boss been there, I wouldn’t have dared. But my weekend partner was adamant that she not get sick from me, and fairly forced my hand to leave. I didn’t put up much of a fight.

I came home and Rob made me soup. Mindy was cleaning- to pay off her debt, and Stormy was sleeping. At 1:30 in the afternoon. It makes my blood boil, but we made a deal that she could sleep as long as she wanted on Saturday if she got up on Sunday and didn’t fuss or fight about it, attend church, and not complain if we don’t get home until 3.

Peaceful sleep-free from coughing jags-surrounded me for nearly 2 hours. What bliss! What satisfaction!

And as soon as I got up, I saw two things: Mindy was out in my back yard, smoking (It’s just that I hate smoking, not that I hate smokers.) And Stormy got up, so I was sort-of relegated to the kitchen or my bedroom.

Stormy came to me a few minutes ago saying that she didn’t have any pj pants clean. Well. Sue me. I haven’t felt well all day and I saw them in her hamper and I’ll be darned if I didn’t do her laundry for her! And now she’s all “jayleigh-my-pants-aren’t-dry-what-are-you-going-to-do-about-it” with me, which ticks me off and THEN….. I asked where her shorts were that she had on one day last week.

The shorts I hadn’t seen before, and so I asked from whence they came. I wanted to make sure, frankly, that she hadn’t shoplifted them. “They were from Marnie, with all those shirts.” Well I hadn’t seen them in the bag, nor had she mentioned them. So.

Fast forward to tonight, when I asked why she couldn’t wear her shorts from Marnie to bed. “Those weren’t mine Jayleigh. I gave them back.”

I was angry, and yet all the books say not to catch your children in a lie. So I said nothing, just “mmm” and walked away. What on earth! Had that situation happened with MY mom…. I would have been grilled to high-heaven, and I would have told the complete and total truth, and then I would have been punished in one way or another for telling lies to my mom.

When a teen, I was angry all the time because my mom constantly asked, “Do you think I’m stupid?” I didn’t know why she was always thinking that I was thinking she was stupid. Well guess what. I know now. Does little Stormy believe that I don’t remember what she told me a few days back?

If I don’t gain her respect now, will she trample completely over me?

*sigh*

And yet, God is still good. All of the time.

Love Is All Around

Tonight we watched Love, Actually. It was sweet, but I don’t believe I’d watch it again. I was glad when Stormy left the room because, HELLO, embarassing. We never have rated R movies in this house, so I wonder how this one filtered through the Netflix Queue. Hmm.

It was a great day today. Stormy had a half-day of school. I dropped her off, then headed to my parents’ to hang out and ran an errand, then picked Stormy back up. It was hardly worth the effort… but she is sweet. I even got to meet two of her friends today. She said they wanted to meet me. It was quite sweet.

Tomorrow EARLY is her orthodontist appointment. Then I take her to school, go hang with my mom and dad, and pick her up, grab lunch and go to work until 8PM. It’s quite a full day, really. *sigh*

And yet, it’s worth it to me, because Stormy is so interested in learning piano. So every few days I am giving her another lesson from the beginner book that I learned on. She worked for 90 minutes tonight, trying to memorize the melody of “Ode to Joy.” She was so frustrated when we broke for dinner, and then thrilled when she got it afterward. She squealed with delight, and when I said, “You should be so proud of yourself,” she danced around and squeaked out, “I am!”

So we know that Stormy is not completely beaten down by her awful childhood. And we know that she’s picky because the brownies we made tonight are “not sweet enough” meaning that we made them from scratch with butter and sugar and cocoa powder and not some dumb mix that undoubtedly has high fructose corn syrup in it, and we know that Stormy has many of the same beliefs and respect for human and animal life that Rob and I do.

But it still feels like she’s holding out. Because I know that at age 15, if my dad took the family out to a celebration dinner after I was taken from the home, there would be some serious anger issues, and trust issues, and possibly attachment issues for a very long time afterward.

It’s still going well and I don’t want to seem ungrateful. But Rob and I are keeping our eyes open because we’re not stupid and this “honeymoon” phase cannot last forever.

Thanks for your continued prayers. I love you folks. Even if you lurk.

I’m Out

Nothing bad happened. I just don’t want to do this anymore? Is that normal?

I think it happened when Stormy went back to school and saw her friends. All day today I looked forward to seeing her and making dinner together and hanging out. Then she called and said she was staying the night at her friend’s house.

That would have been easy for me, because frankly I need the break. I DON’T KNOW THIS KID. It’s not like it’s Mindy staying here, it’s someone I don’t know. But I do still like, so she has that going for her.

Anyhoo. Stormy’s school is THIRTY MINUTES AWAY, which means two solid hours of driving for me per day. The gas money! The time on the road! My missed sleep!

And more importantly, Stormy’s lack of participation in my household.

Back to my dilemma. Let her stay in the town where her school is, thereby making it so I don’t have to wake up at 5 AM to get both her and I ready for our days, drive her there, then come back home and talk to Rob for 30 seconds before leaving for work. Or do I  make her come home, because, hey, I am responsible for this girl, even if I don’t feel like it.

(We made her come home. She did her first chore tonight. You’d have thought I was pointing a gun to her head. She did not eat supper with us because she ate at her friend’s house.)

She’s IN LOVE with scary (freakish!) movies and I cannot stand them. ANYTHING except scary movies! And she watches tv shows and listens to music that I don’t allow in my home. But I feel like I have to let her do some of this stuff, or else have a conniption on my hand.

I just don’t like it. I know after a while, I won’t feel like I’m babysitting. I maybe won’t let her get away with so much stuff, like only doing half of what I asked her.

I just don’t wanna do this anymore. And I know there’s no real way out.

Am I completely insane? Even half-way? Just tell me and I will seek professional help.

Somebody help.

Hard Time Dealing

I’m having a hard time dealing with our move from the home we’ve lived in for 14 of the 15 1/2 years of our marriage. We took this place from a crappy little rental to a pretty nice little home. We added on, we did renovations and rehab. We’re far from finished, but it’s our little dream castle.

And yet, there’s things I won’t ever like about this place. Do you know that in our married life, Rob and I have either had a bath only, or a shower only, but never both at the same time? I am SO LOOKING FORWARD to having a bathroom. And closet doors! I mean, I like ours now that’s stylish and open, but wow! Closet doors! And a real pantry!

And no home heating bill, no house payment, no home owner’s insurance, no 3 hours to mow the lawn.

But we’d have to actually walk the dogs somewhere every single time we wanted to give them a bathroom break. Although there’s a park across the street from the new church, and not too far from the house.

I’m in a funk today. I want to stay in my funk. I was walking around our 1.5 acre yard with the dogs earlier, and got so heartsick, knowing that in a year, we will be completely gone from here with no traces left.

We’re hoping that my cousin and her family could possibly buy this place… but I don’t know if they could afford what we’d have to ask in order to make sure it was paid off.

*sigh*

I’m glad Rob has the day off with me, but man…. I really hope that as a full-time pastor he doesn’t push me to the back burner like he does now. Because that just isn’t cool. And I’ve had about enough.

I love him. He’s a great man. But I don’t know how much more stress I can take before I spontaneously combust.

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Trust

I am going to trust that this all works out for Good. Anxiety and frustration have all but overcome me. Fear does not even enter into the equation.

At age 35, Rob and I are taking chances and risks. We’re going to do this thing God has asked us to do, go where He sends us, even if it’s scary.

I don’t have a post in me and haven’t for some time. Sometimes, things are just too precious, or frustrating, or whatever to write about.

Hope your week goes well. Mine looks busy again, but at least I haven’t been exposed to another person with meningitis.

Failure

I am a dud. And not of the Milk variety.

It seems that if there’s problems with your coworkers, your boss, your niece, and then your husband, that the problem, Jayleigh, is not with THEM  but with you.

• Did I need to shout at my husband for not putting away the flowers like I asked him to?
• Was it completely necessary that I told my niece that I wouldn’t wake her in the morning to work out, that she’d better be waiting for me at 8:30?
• Should Ii really have gotten Jolie in trouble at work because she got me in trouble earlier?
• Who’s to blame for me getting in trouble with Kitty? Because I did do what she was upset about. And now I see why she was so upset. But I couldn’t see it at the time.

Dear Father God, what is wrong with me? It feels like I am falling apart at the seams! I hate how I feel right now. I want to do your will, but I can’t even hear or see what that means because I’m spinning in circles. I haven’t been getting much sleep because I just know that we are supposed to try to adopt Big D, and I can’t sleep well if everyone’s not at home. Please, save me from myself. Help me. Show me. And hold onto my tongue so I don’t completely alienate everyone who loves me and knows me. Amen.